This is a story from long ago but it has impacted my life so I feel it's necessary to tell. I'm about to tell the story that ruined my mojo with the ladies forever. Names are changed to protect the innocent...
This story takes place somewhere between 1986 and 1987 while I was in kindergarten at Feelhaver Elementary School. I met this girl, let's call her Sally, and Sally was a good friend. I liked Sally, and at the time, I thought maybe I liked her-liked her. I didn't really know what that meant or what to do with that information PLUS she was a girl...yuck. I mean boys couldn't be friends with girls, they had to be girlfriends. Remember I was 5 or 6 and really dumb.
I had played at her house before and had a blast. We watched "The Worst Witch" on HBO and in her closet she had a hidden passage way to the room next door. I think it was her little brothers at the time. That sealed the deal for me..A SECRET PASSAGE!!! IN A CLOSET!!! I've always wanted a secret passage way in a closet, ever since I saw the movie "REAL GENIUS". If you haven't seen that gem of the 80's DO IT. Now this passage was NOTHING like it is in "REAL GENIUS" but it was close enough for me to fall in love. Probably more with her closet and not so much her.
She was going to come to my house and I knew today was the day...I was gonna make my kindergarten move and kiss her. On the cheek of course...I mean I'm not crazy or anything. But still that was breaking the rules and kissing a girl. My vinyl A-Team tent was up in the play room, the coloring books were out, and the Benji story book album was playing in the background. Ah yes my friends, the mood was set.
She came over and we were coloring away. My door was open and I peeked out in the hallway. That was when I saw my older brother. He looked at me and made a mocking kissy face at me. I nodded in agreement, this was the time. I know that isn't what he was going for but I took it as GO TIME!
I moved in and sat closer to her. She was focused on the picture she was coloring perfectly. I leaned in and.....DIDN'T DO A GOD DAMNED THING. This was the FIRST in many moments where I hesitated and then....plaaaah nothing. I backed off and started coloring. I don't remember anything else after this.
This is the moment that has defined my romantic relationships. It was the first time I thought, "What if this goes wrong and she makes fun of me?!" That thought has lasted my entire life...right up to my first actual kiss...20 years later. That is a whole different botched mission for another time.
MISSION....FAIL.
P.S. The Benji Storybook album should have sealed it!
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