I saw a lot of movies this year and most of them were just OK. There were a few exceptions but over all the movies this year were middle of the road. Here is a list of my top 10 movies of the 2011, I'm sure it is going to be very much open to debate.
First up my honorable mentions: PAUL, SUPER, RUBBER, FAST FIVE, THOR, SUPER 8, HARRY POTTER 7.5, SOURCE CODE, ADJUSTMENT BUREAU, SUPER 8
10. Everything Must Go:
Everything Must Go is a drama/comedy starring Will Ferrell. Like Stranger Than Fiction, Will Farrell gets a bit serious at times and you know what...he is really good at it. I like him in movies like this more than say, Ricky Bobby. "Everything" has some really great little moments that made me laugh pretty hard. The humor tends to be subtle and the drama can be a little thick but it was a very good movie.
9. Attack the Block
Attack the Block is a horror comedy from across the pond. The only really noticeable actor in it is Nick Frost from Shaun of the Dead. "Attack" is about a group of kids in the inner-city. They are rough and dangerous. One night their hood is attacked by a group of interesting looking aliens and they decide to fight back! I say interesting because there have been a lot of alien movies out lately and the aliens really aren't that interesting looking at all or all that unique but in this, they are very original and very cool. The kids are fantastic and a ball to watch. I prefer this to SUPER 8 for the best alien movie featuring a group of kids that came out last summer. Check this movie out, it's a lot of fun!
8. The Debt:
The Debt is a spy thriller starring Helen Mirren, who plays an ex spy whose life comes back to haunt her. The Debt is a extremely effective thriller that has a ton of suspense and action that had me at the edge of my seat a couple of times. Sam Worthington co-stars along with Jessica Chastain as the younger Helen Mirren. This was a very small movie that I hadn't heard of until recently but I'm glad I had because I really liked this movie a lot.
7. X-Men: First Class:
I talked about X-Men: First Class in a previous blog so I won't get into too much detail but this movie is great. It really had a lot against it because the last two X-Men movies just plain SUCKED. They were Superman III and Batman and Robin combined. So when Matthew Vaughn's X-Men: First Class came out and it was really super fantastic, I was hesitant to say the least. Then I saw it and loved the style and the cast. Although, I'll say this, I really didn't care for the supporting "mutants". They were all pretty lame and familiar in a generic way but Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy more than made up for it.
6. Bridesmaids:
Another one I've already talked about, Bridesmaids was the surprise hit of the summer starring Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, and Melissa McCarthy. Extremely raunchy comedy that had me laughing the entire way through it and the best part is that it is still funny during the second viewing. The length was a little harder to get through the second time though. Nothing like a good Apatow movie that seems to go on a bit too long but never the less, it's fantastic.
5. Fright Night:
The remake that I really had very little urge to see but am so glad I did. This is a remake that seems to get it "right". The story is familiar but it's not a shot to shot remake, it truly is a re-imagining of the original. I've never been a HUGE fan of the original. I mean, I like it, but unlike a lot of people I know, I'm not in love with it. The thing I think I love the most in this is that Colin Farrell seems to be having a blast playing the evil neighbor/vampire, Jerry. I've watched this twice since it came out on Blu-Ray and I seem to like it more and more every time I watch it.
4. Captain America: The First Avenger
I really love just about every second of this movie. It is a blast from beginning to end. Chris Evans plays Steve Rogers aka Captain America. Steve always wanted to be in the army but was too small and weak. This never stops him from trying. This catches the eye of a scientist who injects our hero with a little SUPER SOLDIER SERUM and BOOM! CAPTAIN AMERICA IS BORN! This movie reminds me of Indiana Jones and The Rocketeer with a hint of Superman thrown in. Or as I call it and SUPER SUPERHERO MOVIE SERUM! The only thing that I think could hurt this movie is if The Avengers sucks. If it tanks and is horrible, it could really hurt Cap, Thor, and Iron Man. Captain America is a great fun, check it out!
3. Rise of the Planet of the Apes:
I've always loved the Planet of the Apes series but was a little hesitant to see this latest incarnation. I mean Tim Burton's remake didn't do the series any favors and James Franco as a scientist is harder to believe than talking monkeys...excuse me, Apes. The special effects in this movie are really just mind blowing and seamless. Andy Serkis as Caesar the ape is a truly great performance. Rise is kind of a remake of Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, which is my favorite of the ape movies and it does a really great job of updating it. This should probably get a few Oscars come award time for effects at least.
2. Warrior:
I really wanted to see this movie in the theaters but unfortunately it wasn't in theaters long enough. For some reason this movie kind of tanked at the box office and I have no idea why. This movie is great! Every performance is perfect. From Nick Nolte to Tom Hardy to Joel Edgerton. Warrior is inspirational, emotional, brutal and really compelling to watch. It's about a family that is very broken, more specifically, about two brothers who haven't seen each other in years. They are both MMA fighters that enter a tournament. They both need money for different reasons and have to claw their way to the top. A lot of times it reminded me of Rocky but times two. Nick Nolte plays their recovering alcoholic father who is trying very hard to stay sober and reconnect with his family he has pretty much destroyed. I loved every moment of this movie.
1. Drive:
If there was ever a movie I didn't expect to completely fall in love with it was Drive. Drive is not for everyone but it should be. It's another one of those movies that really flew under the radar but if you were lucky enough to see it you either fell into the LOVE IT category or the HATE IT category. Ryan Gosling stars in this...action movie? Drama? Romance? Thriller? It's all of these and it takes it's time to be all of these and does it in a very unique way. Ryan Gosling plays...wait for it...Driver. Actually I don't think he has a name, it's never said anyway. "Driver" doesn't say much but he doesn't have too, every look he makes it's like he is talking. It's really weird how he does it but however he did it, it worked. He falls for his neighbor and her son. He looks after them until her husband gets out of jail. Gosling's character doesn't try to steal her away either, he just stays around to make sure Carey Mulligan's character and son are ok. Of course all hell breaks loose and Driver gets thrown into the middle of things. He tends to react in EXTREMELY violent ways, which is a switch from the early parts of the movie where he is quiet and the only action you see is him driving getaway cars. DRIVE has this really interesting style that almost makes it feel like it was made in the 80's. Bryan Cranston and Albert Brooks both have amazing co-starring roles that are both memorable. Brooks is just terrifying in it. The second the credits rolled, I wanted to watch this again and again. I've still only seen it once but can't wait until January 30th when I can own it and watch it over and over again!
Worst Movies of the Year: GREEN HORNET, JUST GO WITH IT, DRIVE ANGRY, HANNA, THE WARD, BAD TEACHER, TRANSFORMERS 3, COWBOYS AND ALIENS, DYLAN DOG
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Jay Thomas vs. THE YEAR 2000...and eleven.
I liked this year quite a bit.
The End.
No really, it was a pretty fantastic year for me. I still don't have a license but I didn't try really so I'm ok with that. I learned I have A.D.D or something along those lines. The doctors told me I have a hernia that I'm just going to have to live with. Wow...on second thought...this year was been kind of douchy.
Thanks for being a dick 2011.
On the other hand, I started this blog! Also I'm still employed and my job is better than it last year and I'm still married, so that's a pretty good thing. Things have evened out now for the year 2011. What else can I add to make this year seem better....
I got into the show Battlestar Galactica and also Doctor Who. I love them both. I'd give my right leg for those shows if they asked.(I ain't usin' it!) I also finally watched the show THE WIRE. It's as great as people say. Hard to get into it but once you do holy crap is it good. Along those lines, BREAKING BAD IS AMAZING! The New Girl is also a fantastic new TV show that I kind of love. I also learned that I HATE GLEE. That's new, last year I liked it quite a bit but now it just seems to get worse and worse. Also SMALLVILLE ENDED. BOOOOOOOOOO!
The movies kind of sucked this year. I saw a couple of really great movies like Warrior and Drive. I highly recommend both movies. Drive comes out on DVD/BLU RAY at the end of January, I think it'd be a good idea to watch it. You may not like it but on the other hand you may just love it. Seriously, it will be one of those two options. Warrior is like ROCKY times two. Watch it and enjoy.
I also started a tumblr page. www.thedoublefeaturepictureblog.tumblr.com. It's all about watching two movies at a time. Sexy, right?
DC COMICS relaunched a lot of their main characters. I've kept up with a lot of them and oddly enough, I like AQUAMAN now...WHAT?! Stupid, I know. I'm not kidding, that book is great, so is the JUSTICE LEAGUE. READ THEM! The new GREEN LANTERN is pretty good, too!
Into websites? Check out buzzfeed.com or ecstaticfriday.tumblr.com. Also follow Ellen Barkin on twitter. It is surprisingly hilarious. It's really her and she is crazy.
Need freelance voice work? Well I'll be doing that sooner rather than later. In the mean time might I recommend http://www.heidibakervoice.com/
This sort of turned into "JAY'S FAVORITE THINGS" but I guess that's ok because 2011 was a really great year for me personally so it belongs in a blog for "JAY'S FAVORITE THINGS".
Hope your year was a good one too! Let's hope 2012 follows in the same direction and that the world doesn't end. That would suck!
Catch ya later Bill and Ted!
The End.
No really, it was a pretty fantastic year for me. I still don't have a license but I didn't try really so I'm ok with that. I learned I have A.D.D or something along those lines. The doctors told me I have a hernia that I'm just going to have to live with. Wow...on second thought...this year was been kind of douchy.
Thanks for being a dick 2011.
On the other hand, I started this blog! Also I'm still employed and my job is better than it last year and I'm still married, so that's a pretty good thing. Things have evened out now for the year 2011. What else can I add to make this year seem better....
I got into the show Battlestar Galactica and also Doctor Who. I love them both. I'd give my right leg for those shows if they asked.(I ain't usin' it!) I also finally watched the show THE WIRE. It's as great as people say. Hard to get into it but once you do holy crap is it good. Along those lines, BREAKING BAD IS AMAZING! The New Girl is also a fantastic new TV show that I kind of love. I also learned that I HATE GLEE. That's new, last year I liked it quite a bit but now it just seems to get worse and worse. Also SMALLVILLE ENDED. BOOOOOOOOOO!
The movies kind of sucked this year. I saw a couple of really great movies like Warrior and Drive. I highly recommend both movies. Drive comes out on DVD/BLU RAY at the end of January, I think it'd be a good idea to watch it. You may not like it but on the other hand you may just love it. Seriously, it will be one of those two options. Warrior is like ROCKY times two. Watch it and enjoy.
I also started a tumblr page. www.thedoublefeaturepictureblog.tumblr.com. It's all about watching two movies at a time. Sexy, right?
DC COMICS relaunched a lot of their main characters. I've kept up with a lot of them and oddly enough, I like AQUAMAN now...WHAT?! Stupid, I know. I'm not kidding, that book is great, so is the JUSTICE LEAGUE. READ THEM! The new GREEN LANTERN is pretty good, too!
Into websites? Check out buzzfeed.com or ecstaticfriday.tumblr.com. Also follow Ellen Barkin on twitter. It is surprisingly hilarious. It's really her and she is crazy.
Need freelance voice work? Well I'll be doing that sooner rather than later. In the mean time might I recommend http://www.heidibakervoice.com/
This sort of turned into "JAY'S FAVORITE THINGS" but I guess that's ok because 2011 was a really great year for me personally so it belongs in a blog for "JAY'S FAVORITE THINGS".
Hope your year was a good one too! Let's hope 2012 follows in the same direction and that the world doesn't end. That would suck!
Catch ya later Bill and Ted!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Jay Thomas vs. The Phat Beats at Five
Let me preface this blog by saying something I may have said before--I'm shy. I'm very shy. Odd I realize considering the profession I'm in but never the less, I'm super shy. So shy in fact, I won't even order a pizza over the phone if someone else is in the room with me. I won't yell out windows if I'm in the car and trying to get someone's attention.
Winters in Iowa can be very cold. This year, we(Iowans) have been pretty lucky. That said, it's still colder than the Penguin's lair in Batman Returns!(non nerds--It's a bit chilly) What you have to do is start your vehicle in the morning so it can warm up.
This morning, I woke up, and started the van. As I get into the bathroom to take my morning shower, I hear this loud thumping bass. I think to myself, who is the jackass that is driving SLOWLY through the alley at 4:50am! What an A-Hole, he's going to wake everyone up! As I start the water in the shower, go pee, and strip very sexily( I know, I looked), I notice the sound is still there and the song has now changed.
Then it hits me...IT'S MY VAN HEATING UP! How could this happen?! I don't remember listening to the radio that loud. Wait a minute...we didn't take the van out yesterday BUT Shanna did Saturday night. It would seem that on the way home from a Christmas party she decided to "get down" to SHADE 45 on Sirious/XM. Not sure what that is? Well let me inform you. Shade 45 is EMINEM's radio station. ALL RAP, ALL THE TIME! With all the fun naughty words playing completely unedited 24/7.
My wife, the rebel.
I don't mind listening to Shade 45, I actually like it a lot of the time. At 5 AM, however, I'm not a big fan. Especially since my personality doesn't feel comfortable drawing attention to myself. Now MY van is BLARING SHADE 45 AS LOUD AS THE VAN ALLOWS. All I could do was wait for it to shut off. It's possible I can remote shut off the van but as of this blog, I don't know how to do it.
I felt awful. I guess it could be worse...it could have been the Playboy channel or Martha Stewart. Ew sorry, I forgot the rule...never put Playboy and Martha Stewart in the same sentence. It will never happen again.
Winters in Iowa can be very cold. This year, we(Iowans) have been pretty lucky. That said, it's still colder than the Penguin's lair in Batman Returns!(non nerds--It's a bit chilly) What you have to do is start your vehicle in the morning so it can warm up.
This morning, I woke up, and started the van. As I get into the bathroom to take my morning shower, I hear this loud thumping bass. I think to myself, who is the jackass that is driving SLOWLY through the alley at 4:50am! What an A-Hole, he's going to wake everyone up! As I start the water in the shower, go pee, and strip very sexily( I know, I looked), I notice the sound is still there and the song has now changed.
Then it hits me...IT'S MY VAN HEATING UP! How could this happen?! I don't remember listening to the radio that loud. Wait a minute...we didn't take the van out yesterday BUT Shanna did Saturday night. It would seem that on the way home from a Christmas party she decided to "get down" to SHADE 45 on Sirious/XM. Not sure what that is? Well let me inform you. Shade 45 is EMINEM's radio station. ALL RAP, ALL THE TIME! With all the fun naughty words playing completely unedited 24/7.
My wife, the rebel.
I don't mind listening to Shade 45, I actually like it a lot of the time. At 5 AM, however, I'm not a big fan. Especially since my personality doesn't feel comfortable drawing attention to myself. Now MY van is BLARING SHADE 45 AS LOUD AS THE VAN ALLOWS. All I could do was wait for it to shut off. It's possible I can remote shut off the van but as of this blog, I don't know how to do it.
I felt awful. I guess it could be worse...it could have been the Playboy channel or Martha Stewart. Ew sorry, I forgot the rule...never put Playboy and Martha Stewart in the same sentence. It will never happen again.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Jay Thomas vs. The Funny Thing That Happened on the Way Out of the Bathroom.
Our tale really begins a couple of weeks ago. For some odd reason I said to someone, "I haven't fallen out of my chair in a long time!" Karma, you are a funny little B-word aintcha!
For a while now I've had these weird tippy moments in my old wheelchair. I still use it at home when I need to go into the bedroom or bathroom because my new chair(well new since summer) doesn't fit through the doorway into that part of the house. I keep imagining me tipping in the bathroom and hitting my head cause my untimely death. Weird, I know. Most guys just think of boobs.(side note: That is usually what follows the death thought. GIGGITY GIGGITY)
Last night, I'm sitting in the living room watching tv. Then that sudden feeling happens..."I GOTTA TINKLE!" So I get up and head to the bathroom. I notice that it's a little harder to get into the bathroom for some reason. I have to push just a little harder to get through. Do I question this? Nope, gotta urinate.
After I'm done(it felt great, thanks for asking!) I head to the sink to wash my hands. This not new to me, but I don't ALWAYS do it. Why? That's my business. WELL actually I just always have dirty hands because of my wheels so I figure, what's the point. Not terribly hygienic I realize.
When I get done washing my hands I put my phone to my side and it feels strange. Kind of like my phone was turned sideways. Then as I'm wheeling my wheel feels a bit wobbly. That's odd, I think to myself. Right when I make my exit out of the bathroom I feel a pretty large jolt, followed by me slowly falling over....MY WHEEL JUST FELL OFF.
"oh sh.." I think and probably say out loud. I slam my arms to the walls and hold myself up. "SHANNA," I yell! "SHANNA!" "what?" She asked calmly. "GET IN HERE!" "Why?" "WHY?! GET THE FUDGE(may not have said that, exactly) IN HERE!" "WHY?!" "I NEED YOU...NOW!" "What do you need?"
Before it went this far I probably should have said right away something like, "honey, my chair is falling apart and I'm slowing falling down." For some reason that doesn't really cross my mind. "HELP I'M FALLING! I THINK MY CHAIR JUST BROKE!"
Shanna comes in..."Oh--ooook" "what should I do" "HELP!" "HOW!" "Um..." I think, "Tip me back slowly and I'll just fall out."
My plan worked. I still don't know what exactly happened other than my wheel just fell off. I couldn't find any wheels broken or parts missing, it just fell off. Part of me thinks my weight MAY have played at least a small part. I'm thinking the part that connects the wheel to the chair slightly moved from me getting in and out over the years.
It was a very strange night. I "fixed" the chair with a hammer for the time being. I felt manly. That faded.
OH and the whole time, I wasn't wearing pants...good night!
For a while now I've had these weird tippy moments in my old wheelchair. I still use it at home when I need to go into the bedroom or bathroom because my new chair(well new since summer) doesn't fit through the doorway into that part of the house. I keep imagining me tipping in the bathroom and hitting my head cause my untimely death. Weird, I know. Most guys just think of boobs.(side note: That is usually what follows the death thought. GIGGITY GIGGITY)
Last night, I'm sitting in the living room watching tv. Then that sudden feeling happens..."I GOTTA TINKLE!" So I get up and head to the bathroom. I notice that it's a little harder to get into the bathroom for some reason. I have to push just a little harder to get through. Do I question this? Nope, gotta urinate.
After I'm done(it felt great, thanks for asking!) I head to the sink to wash my hands. This not new to me, but I don't ALWAYS do it. Why? That's my business. WELL actually I just always have dirty hands because of my wheels so I figure, what's the point. Not terribly hygienic I realize.
When I get done washing my hands I put my phone to my side and it feels strange. Kind of like my phone was turned sideways. Then as I'm wheeling my wheel feels a bit wobbly. That's odd, I think to myself. Right when I make my exit out of the bathroom I feel a pretty large jolt, followed by me slowly falling over....MY WHEEL JUST FELL OFF.
"oh sh.." I think and probably say out loud. I slam my arms to the walls and hold myself up. "SHANNA," I yell! "SHANNA!" "what?" She asked calmly. "GET IN HERE!" "Why?" "WHY?! GET THE FUDGE(may not have said that, exactly) IN HERE!" "WHY?!" "I NEED YOU...NOW!" "What do you need?"
Before it went this far I probably should have said right away something like, "honey, my chair is falling apart and I'm slowing falling down." For some reason that doesn't really cross my mind. "HELP I'M FALLING! I THINK MY CHAIR JUST BROKE!"
Shanna comes in..."Oh--ooook" "what should I do" "HELP!" "HOW!" "Um..." I think, "Tip me back slowly and I'll just fall out."
My plan worked. I still don't know what exactly happened other than my wheel just fell off. I couldn't find any wheels broken or parts missing, it just fell off. Part of me thinks my weight MAY have played at least a small part. I'm thinking the part that connects the wheel to the chair slightly moved from me getting in and out over the years.
It was a very strange night. I "fixed" the chair with a hammer for the time being. I felt manly. That faded.
OH and the whole time, I wasn't wearing pants...good night!
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Jay Thomas VS. The Thank You Day
On Thursday I gave thanks, had turkey, made my 3 year old niece cry ALMOST immediately after seeing her, and then went to bed. It was over all uneventful but that's a good thing. I had to work the next day at 5:30.
I do have a lot to be thankful for this year. So much so I couldn't possibly name them all...but I'll try.
Shanna
My family
Farmers Best Popcorn
My pets
My pets pooping in the hallway(sarcasm)
Sarcasm
Doctor Who
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
A morning show on Mix 94.5(which you can listen to online at yourfortdodge.com!!)
Fun morning show partner
Netflix Instant
Friends(the real people, not the tv show. I was thankful for that in '93)
twitter
bigger desks
inside jokes
The Lonely Island song "Jack Sparrow"
Community on NBC.
Breaking Bad
As always, String Cheese
Tasty Tuesdays on Mix 94.5(Which you can listen to online at yourfortdodge.com)
Continued rivalries with Kaila Benson and Mike Devine
A ton of other stuff I'm forgetting because it is almost 2am.
OH and I'm thankful for you reading this. By the way, you look great...lost weight?
I do have a lot to be thankful for this year. So much so I couldn't possibly name them all...but I'll try.
Shanna
My family
Farmers Best Popcorn
My pets
My pets pooping in the hallway(sarcasm)
Sarcasm
Doctor Who
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
A morning show on Mix 94.5(which you can listen to online at yourfortdodge.com!!)
Fun morning show partner
Netflix Instant
Friends(the real people, not the tv show. I was thankful for that in '93)
bigger desks
inside jokes
The Lonely Island song "Jack Sparrow"
Community on NBC.
Breaking Bad
As always, String Cheese
Tasty Tuesdays on Mix 94.5(Which you can listen to online at yourfortdodge.com)
Continued rivalries with Kaila Benson and Mike Devine
A ton of other stuff I'm forgetting because it is almost 2am.
OH and I'm thankful for you reading this. By the way, you look great...lost weight?
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Jay Thomas vs. The Gracefull Exit
I love awkward comedy. The office, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Parks and Rec, those are some of my favorite shows and they are full of awkward humor. One of my best friends is awkward in human form and as much as I try to deny it...I'm right there too.
One thing that isn't always the easiest thing to do in a wheelchair is make a grand exit. I'm not actually sure I've ever had a perfect exit. Usually what will happen is, I have a pretty fantastic line and then I turn to leave and run into a wall. Then I just sit there and dwell in the awkwardness of it all. I'm perfectly fine being the butt(teehee) of the joke. Later, I'll think back on this moment and laugh.
Well...last week, one of these situations happened. Not only does it happen, but it also seems to last forever. I needed to give a co-worker a stack of papers. I go to their office and the door is closed. Usually I'd knock but at this particular time I knew that they wouldn't be in there. My plan was to just go in and leave the papers in their tray. That was the plan.
As it turns out, they were in there and they were on the phone, and they appeared to have just got done crying. Oh boy. Not this. Anything but this. I don't handle crying all that well. Here I was, barging in like a big stupid idiot. They looked at me and I say,
"Heeeeeeeey....I uh....got..these for you....".
"ok."
"I mean, I can take these back to my desk...it's no big deal."
"No, I got it."
"cooooool," then a pause. "I'll a...leave now" another longer than necessary pause, "sorry."
"It's ok, I'll talk to you later."
I turn to leave and grab the door.
"Don't worry about it, I'll get it." they said.
"Naaah, I got it." I said.
Did I have it? No. No I did not. I go to close the door and I hit the wall. To which they turn around and look at me, while talking on the phone.
"oops, sorry."
I go to leave again. This time I'm through the doorway but as I close the door, it bounces off my wheel and opens ALL THE WAY OPEN AGAIN.
"I can get it." they said.
"Ok...I'm gonna go now. Sorry again."
And I leave. Do I once ever say, "Are you ok?" or maybe, "Do you need anything?" NOPE. I just slam into the wall a bunch of times. Smooooth. Reeeeaaaal smooth.
I've thought of this moment a lot since it happened. I grow fonder of the comedy aspect and laugh when I think about it.
The scene reminded me of this....
or this...
Luckily, I know this blog won't end awkwardly with me running/wheeling into a wall. Right? It can't can it? Aw crap....it can, can't it?! I better be careful and just say totalloo! ugh..there I go. Awkwarding up yet another ending. Way to go, dumb face. Real cool.
One thing that isn't always the easiest thing to do in a wheelchair is make a grand exit. I'm not actually sure I've ever had a perfect exit. Usually what will happen is, I have a pretty fantastic line and then I turn to leave and run into a wall. Then I just sit there and dwell in the awkwardness of it all. I'm perfectly fine being the butt(teehee) of the joke. Later, I'll think back on this moment and laugh.
Well...last week, one of these situations happened. Not only does it happen, but it also seems to last forever. I needed to give a co-worker a stack of papers. I go to their office and the door is closed. Usually I'd knock but at this particular time I knew that they wouldn't be in there. My plan was to just go in and leave the papers in their tray. That was the plan.
As it turns out, they were in there and they were on the phone, and they appeared to have just got done crying. Oh boy. Not this. Anything but this. I don't handle crying all that well. Here I was, barging in like a big stupid idiot. They looked at me and I say,
"Heeeeeeeey....I uh....got..these for you....".
"ok."
"I mean, I can take these back to my desk...it's no big deal."
"No, I got it."
"cooooool," then a pause. "I'll a...leave now" another longer than necessary pause, "sorry."
"It's ok, I'll talk to you later."
I turn to leave and grab the door.
"Don't worry about it, I'll get it." they said.
"Naaah, I got it." I said.
Did I have it? No. No I did not. I go to close the door and I hit the wall. To which they turn around and look at me, while talking on the phone.
"oops, sorry."
I go to leave again. This time I'm through the doorway but as I close the door, it bounces off my wheel and opens ALL THE WAY OPEN AGAIN.
"I can get it." they said.
"Ok...I'm gonna go now. Sorry again."
And I leave. Do I once ever say, "Are you ok?" or maybe, "Do you need anything?" NOPE. I just slam into the wall a bunch of times. Smooooth. Reeeeaaaal smooth.
I've thought of this moment a lot since it happened. I grow fonder of the comedy aspect and laugh when I think about it.
The scene reminded me of this....
or this...
Luckily, I know this blog won't end awkwardly with me running/wheeling into a wall. Right? It can't can it? Aw crap....it can, can't it?! I better be careful and just say totalloo! ugh..there I go. Awkwarding up yet another ending. Way to go, dumb face. Real cool.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Jay Thomas Vs. Michael Myers and the whole Halloween series
Well...Halloween has come and past and I never did put out my top 10 straight on HORROR movies. I watched a lot of them but I had a really hard time coming up with my top 10. The I knew which movies would be on the list(for the most part) but I just didn't know the order, except the number one. The number one movie would have been and always has been, HALLOWEEN by John Carpenter. Not only is it my favorite horror movie but it is also one of, if not THE, number one all time favorite movie of mine.
My love for HALLOWEEN and really the whole franchise started in high school. Oddly enough I became a fan after I watched SCREAM, another movie that would have graced the top 10 horror movies. I had seen a couple of the "FREDDY" movies before but SCREAM was the first "scary movie" I really LOVED. Through out the entire movie they reference HALLOWEEN. They borrow some of the score in the end very cleverly by having HALLOWEEN playing on a t.v. during the climax of SCREAM. The characters talk about HALLOWEEN a lot so I thought I'd give it a shot. That mixed with HALLOWEEN: H20 about to come out made me really want to watch the original.
From the opening steady cam POV scene, I was hooked. The music scored by John Carpenter is perfect and full of tension that just builds and builds. Every little jump scare in this movie works and used to really creep me out every single time.
If you've never seen it here is a run down of the plot. Michael Myers as a six year old kills his older sister on Halloween. He is then put into a sanitarium where he is treated by Doctor Loomis, played perfectly by Donald Pleasence. Fast Forward 16 years and Michael Myers breaks out of the hospital and returns to his hometown to cause chaos. He begins to stalk a group of teens, including Laurie Strode, played by Jamie Lee Curtis. He kills all her friends on Halloween night and tries to kill Laurie but she finds a way to outsmart him at almost every turn. At the end as Michael is about to kill Laurie, Dr. Loomis shows up and shoots Michael six times until Michael falls to his death...or so you think. Loomis looks down to the yard and sees that Michael is nowhere to be found....CREDITS!
I can't say how many times I watched the original, but it was a lot. I loved the character of Michael Myers. He wore a blue jump suit and a creepy all white William Shatner mask. Once I really got into the first movie, I found out there were 5 sequels...what?! I had to see them all, except for HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH. Why not Halloween III? Because Michael Myers isn't in it. To this day, I've never seen Halloween III.
Halloween II continues immediately where the first one left off. Laurie is taken to the hospital and Michael tries to yet again kill her. In 2 it is revealed that Laurie is Michael's sister and that is why he was stalking her. I think it's creepier that there was really no motive in the first one but it's alright. The movie itself isn't great. I remember not liking it much when I originally saw it and I just rewatched it the other day and feel the same way.
In Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers, Michael, well...returns. This time he is hunting his niece Jamie Lloyd. Mainly because his sister, Laurie, is now dead(ish). Jamie is played really well by Danielle Harris. I used to really like this movie and still do, just not as much. Now I can't get over how horrible Michael Myers looks. His mask is really awful in this movie. There is almost NO detail and is a lot less creepy. Dr. Loomis is back again and continues to try and save the day. He mainly just gets beat up and tells people that Michael is evil. I will say the end of Halloween 4 is great and I don't want to spoil it if you haven't seen it.
Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, finds Michael once again chasing Jamie, who now is psychically linked to her uncle. That is really all you need to know, this movie sucks really bad. It has maybe the worst set of teenagers I've ever seen. I tried to rewatch this the other night but couldn't because they were so annoying. Also once again the mask looks terrible. It's a little better but seems to have a really pointy nose that is very distracting.
Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers stars Paul Rudd in his first movie! That is all it has going for it. I do think the mask is finally creepy again, mainly because it looks like Shatner again. This one also has some good kills and scares in it but ultimately it's terrible. I haven't seen this in a long time. I planned to rewatch it but the fact that after rewatching the first three Michael Myers Halloween movies and disliking all of them but the first one, I gave up.
Halloween: H20 brings back Laurie Strode and completely ignores all the sequels. GREAT IDEA. The bad part about this movie is that it came after SCREAM and seems like Halloween trying to be SCREAM. Michael isn't bad but the mask changes a lot and it is REALLY distracting. Jamie Lee Curtis isn't bad in this but doesn't seem that great either. I did rewatch this and I got to say, it seems very dated and I didn't like it as much.
Halloween: Resurrection finds Laurie Strode in the same mental hospital that Michael was in. Guess who finds her? YEPPERS! Big Brother Michael. He kills her off with in 10 minutes and then goes home to find an internet show is filming in his house...sons a bitches... It's kind of a fun idea and it is a bit scarier than the last couple but Michael gets defeated by Busta Rhymes...I just can't deal with that.
That is the end of the original series. Rob Zombie, who has said he was a huge Halloween fan, remade Halloween. It's not terrible. It's almost all about Michael and shows how he grew up to be a crazy murderer. I like the first hour of this movie but then the second how becomes damn near a shot for shot remake of the original. The teens in this, including a new Laurie Strode, is even worse than the teens in Halloween 5. I'm not sure how that is possible but it is. I do like how brutal the movie is and how vicious Michael is again.
Rob then made Halloween II-the remake. It's awful. I actually wanted to leave the theater I thought it was so bad. It's obnoxious and ridiculous. Skip this at all costs.
The website cinemassacre.com did video reviews of all the movies and they are pretty spot on. Check 'em out if you get a chance. I pretty much agree with everything that is said.
I really used to love the whole HALLOWEEN franchise but now it's pretty much just the first one I can watch all the way through. It's a great movie that pretty much invented the "RULES" of a horror movie and really got the slasher genre off the ground. Watch it and enjoy.
Also my next blog will probably be back to being more of a personal thing and less movie critic stuff.
My love for HALLOWEEN and really the whole franchise started in high school. Oddly enough I became a fan after I watched SCREAM, another movie that would have graced the top 10 horror movies. I had seen a couple of the "FREDDY" movies before but SCREAM was the first "scary movie" I really LOVED. Through out the entire movie they reference HALLOWEEN. They borrow some of the score in the end very cleverly by having HALLOWEEN playing on a t.v. during the climax of SCREAM. The characters talk about HALLOWEEN a lot so I thought I'd give it a shot. That mixed with HALLOWEEN: H20 about to come out made me really want to watch the original.
From the opening steady cam POV scene, I was hooked. The music scored by John Carpenter is perfect and full of tension that just builds and builds. Every little jump scare in this movie works and used to really creep me out every single time.
If you've never seen it here is a run down of the plot. Michael Myers as a six year old kills his older sister on Halloween. He is then put into a sanitarium where he is treated by Doctor Loomis, played perfectly by Donald Pleasence. Fast Forward 16 years and Michael Myers breaks out of the hospital and returns to his hometown to cause chaos. He begins to stalk a group of teens, including Laurie Strode, played by Jamie Lee Curtis. He kills all her friends on Halloween night and tries to kill Laurie but she finds a way to outsmart him at almost every turn. At the end as Michael is about to kill Laurie, Dr. Loomis shows up and shoots Michael six times until Michael falls to his death...or so you think. Loomis looks down to the yard and sees that Michael is nowhere to be found....CREDITS!
I can't say how many times I watched the original, but it was a lot. I loved the character of Michael Myers. He wore a blue jump suit and a creepy all white William Shatner mask. Once I really got into the first movie, I found out there were 5 sequels...what?! I had to see them all, except for HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH. Why not Halloween III? Because Michael Myers isn't in it. To this day, I've never seen Halloween III.
Halloween II continues immediately where the first one left off. Laurie is taken to the hospital and Michael tries to yet again kill her. In 2 it is revealed that Laurie is Michael's sister and that is why he was stalking her. I think it's creepier that there was really no motive in the first one but it's alright. The movie itself isn't great. I remember not liking it much when I originally saw it and I just rewatched it the other day and feel the same way.
In Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers, Michael, well...returns. This time he is hunting his niece Jamie Lloyd. Mainly because his sister, Laurie, is now dead(ish). Jamie is played really well by Danielle Harris. I used to really like this movie and still do, just not as much. Now I can't get over how horrible Michael Myers looks. His mask is really awful in this movie. There is almost NO detail and is a lot less creepy. Dr. Loomis is back again and continues to try and save the day. He mainly just gets beat up and tells people that Michael is evil. I will say the end of Halloween 4 is great and I don't want to spoil it if you haven't seen it.
Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, finds Michael once again chasing Jamie, who now is psychically linked to her uncle. That is really all you need to know, this movie sucks really bad. It has maybe the worst set of teenagers I've ever seen. I tried to rewatch this the other night but couldn't because they were so annoying. Also once again the mask looks terrible. It's a little better but seems to have a really pointy nose that is very distracting.
Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers stars Paul Rudd in his first movie! That is all it has going for it. I do think the mask is finally creepy again, mainly because it looks like Shatner again. This one also has some good kills and scares in it but ultimately it's terrible. I haven't seen this in a long time. I planned to rewatch it but the fact that after rewatching the first three Michael Myers Halloween movies and disliking all of them but the first one, I gave up.
Halloween: H20 brings back Laurie Strode and completely ignores all the sequels. GREAT IDEA. The bad part about this movie is that it came after SCREAM and seems like Halloween trying to be SCREAM. Michael isn't bad but the mask changes a lot and it is REALLY distracting. Jamie Lee Curtis isn't bad in this but doesn't seem that great either. I did rewatch this and I got to say, it seems very dated and I didn't like it as much.
Halloween: Resurrection finds Laurie Strode in the same mental hospital that Michael was in. Guess who finds her? YEPPERS! Big Brother Michael. He kills her off with in 10 minutes and then goes home to find an internet show is filming in his house...sons a bitches... It's kind of a fun idea and it is a bit scarier than the last couple but Michael gets defeated by Busta Rhymes...I just can't deal with that.
That is the end of the original series. Rob Zombie, who has said he was a huge Halloween fan, remade Halloween. It's not terrible. It's almost all about Michael and shows how he grew up to be a crazy murderer. I like the first hour of this movie but then the second how becomes damn near a shot for shot remake of the original. The teens in this, including a new Laurie Strode, is even worse than the teens in Halloween 5. I'm not sure how that is possible but it is. I do like how brutal the movie is and how vicious Michael is again.
Rob then made Halloween II-the remake. It's awful. I actually wanted to leave the theater I thought it was so bad. It's obnoxious and ridiculous. Skip this at all costs.
The website cinemassacre.com did video reviews of all the movies and they are pretty spot on. Check 'em out if you get a chance. I pretty much agree with everything that is said.
I really used to love the whole HALLOWEEN franchise but now it's pretty much just the first one I can watch all the way through. It's a great movie that pretty much invented the "RULES" of a horror movie and really got the slasher genre off the ground. Watch it and enjoy.
 | |
| Ew, this ain't STAR WARS, quit kissing your sister Mike! |
Also my next blog will probably be back to being more of a personal thing and less movie critic stuff.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Jay Thomas vs The Top 10 Monster Movies
Before I start I have to say that I excluded Vampires, Zombies and Werewolves. Why? Because they are played to death. I'll just say that the best Vampire movie is The Lost Boys, best ZOMBIE movie is Dawn of the Dead, and the best werewolf movie is the original WOLF MAN. Now on to the TOP 10 MONSTER MOVIES!
10. KING KONG(1933)
I don't care that this movie is almost 80 years old, I love it, claymation and all. It's great. It doesn't matter which version of King Kong you are watching because every time KONG is coming through the jungle to get the girl, it's always scary.
9. The Blob(1988)
This is another one of the movies that it doesn't really matter if it's the old movie or the newer(not really new anymore but you get the idea) both are just fun. You have this huge alien blob growing and devouring everything in sight. What does the 80's version have the 60's version didn't? It's an 80's horror movie, duh! It's goofy and strange and just a lot of fun to watch. Matt Dillon's awkward looking brother is in it and the chick from the SAW movies...it's a can't miss!
8. CLOVERFIELD(2008)
J.J. Abrams super secret monster movie gave us the best GODZILLA movie ever made in the UNITED STATES! Only it was shot in the perspective of the people getting stepped on. Some people get sick watching the shaky came but I like it. How real is it that the guy would keep filming? meh, details. The creature itself is very strange looking and you're never really given a full on great look but that is part of the fun I think. I prefer this to this past summers SUPER 8 hands down.
7. The Fly (1986)
David Cronenberg's remake of The Fly starring Jeff Goldblum is one of my favorite 80's monsters. Goldblum's transformation during the movie is fascinating two watch and of course, disgusting. The end result is a very strange human/fly creation that doesn't really look like either a human nor a fly but it's creepy and that's all that counts.
6. Tremors (1990)
Tremors is a movie that seems to get better over the years. Not only is there a huge monster in it named KEVIN BACON but also a weird subterranean worm thing known as a graboid. What does this monster do? Grabs ya, dummy! It's like a giant slug that has these snake, hand puppet tongues that can reach you from underneath the ground. Oh and the Dad from Family Ties and Reba are also in it. How many different reasons do you need to see this? Also if you haven't seen this yet...we can't be friends. Plain and simple.
5. Predator (1987)
Arnold isn't the only monster in this. The Predator is a vicious hunter that is almost impossible to kill. Unless of course you are covered in mud...then it's pretty easy. You know when I put it like that...kinda lame. But the design of Predator is just weird. It's like a giant Jamaican Venus fly trap that will shoot you in the face with big alien guns.
4. Alien (1979)
Alien vs Predator...it's a battle that people have argued about for years. They even made a couple of awful movies about it. Why do I prefer the alien in ALIEN? Because it isn't beat by smearing mud all over you! Plus it's scary. It's got a head inside it's head, acid spit, a super long head. Far superior creature to predator. These things can crawl in small spaces and are super fast. Just like with the predator franchise, I only like the original Alien movie. Some will say ALIENS is better but not me, I actually really dislike ALIENS. Alien is a creepy atmospheric movie that is terrifying to watch. The scare at the end gets me every time.
3. GREMLINS (1984)
Gremlins is one of my all time favorites that I don't own on Blu Ray or DVD. It's hard to believe that something so cute and cuddly can turn into a scaly evil Gremlin. The scene when the mom is alone in the house is still a super scary scene and to this day has made me scared of the song "Do You Hear What I Hear?" Gremlins was just on the other day and I got sucked into it all over again, great movie and very scary monster.
2. Frankenstein (1931)
One of the ORIGINAL Universal Horror movies, Frankenstein is still a very haunting movie and Frankenstein's monster is just as terrifying as ever. The creature played brilliantly by Boris Karloff is kind of a victim in this more than a villain but that really doesn't make him any less scary. His first gut reaction to most things is to strangle it(actually most Universal Monsters did this). I think Bride of Frankenstein is the better movie but the original, is super moody, gothic, and a true classic. No other version of Frankenstein has been as effective as the original played by Karloff.
1. The Thing (1982)
That's right I'm going with the original remake, possibly the best remake of all time, John Carpenter's The Thing starring Kurt Russell. So what is so great about THE THING that it was my number one monster movie? Because there are so many different gross, nasty and most importantly, scary monsters in this movie. You never get a true shot of THE THING itself because it constantly changes. Each new version is just as creepy as the last. That's the thing that I think the new movie missed. It shows the creature a lot and the design is just not as weird as in this original movie. I could put JC's The Thing on many different top 10's, it's actually the movie I was watching that made me think about making this list. It's a great movie if you've never seen it.
HONORABLE MENTION:
THE MONSTER SQUAD. Seriously, it should probably be on this list, but it was on my last list so I didn't want to double dip. But it's got all the classic monsters in it and is just great. See MONSTER SQUAD before you watch VAN HELSING. Van Helsing sucks wolf man nards. Yes, Wolf Man's got nards.
Godzilla(any of them): Honestly, I haven't seen that many of the GODZILLA movies. I do really like the original but haven't seen it enough to put it on my top 10 list.
The Host: It's a little bit like Cloverfield but a big fish thing. It's a great little movie. Check it out if you get a chance. I believe it's on the Netflix Instant.
10. KING KONG(1933)
I don't care that this movie is almost 80 years old, I love it, claymation and all. It's great. It doesn't matter which version of King Kong you are watching because every time KONG is coming through the jungle to get the girl, it's always scary.
9. The Blob(1988)
This is another one of the movies that it doesn't really matter if it's the old movie or the newer(not really new anymore but you get the idea) both are just fun. You have this huge alien blob growing and devouring everything in sight. What does the 80's version have the 60's version didn't? It's an 80's horror movie, duh! It's goofy and strange and just a lot of fun to watch. Matt Dillon's awkward looking brother is in it and the chick from the SAW movies...it's a can't miss!
8. CLOVERFIELD(2008)
J.J. Abrams super secret monster movie gave us the best GODZILLA movie ever made in the UNITED STATES! Only it was shot in the perspective of the people getting stepped on. Some people get sick watching the shaky came but I like it. How real is it that the guy would keep filming? meh, details. The creature itself is very strange looking and you're never really given a full on great look but that is part of the fun I think. I prefer this to this past summers SUPER 8 hands down.
7. The Fly (1986)
David Cronenberg's remake of The Fly starring Jeff Goldblum is one of my favorite 80's monsters. Goldblum's transformation during the movie is fascinating two watch and of course, disgusting. The end result is a very strange human/fly creation that doesn't really look like either a human nor a fly but it's creepy and that's all that counts.
6. Tremors (1990)
Tremors is a movie that seems to get better over the years. Not only is there a huge monster in it named KEVIN BACON but also a weird subterranean worm thing known as a graboid. What does this monster do? Grabs ya, dummy! It's like a giant slug that has these snake, hand puppet tongues that can reach you from underneath the ground. Oh and the Dad from Family Ties and Reba are also in it. How many different reasons do you need to see this? Also if you haven't seen this yet...we can't be friends. Plain and simple.
5. Predator (1987)
Arnold isn't the only monster in this. The Predator is a vicious hunter that is almost impossible to kill. Unless of course you are covered in mud...then it's pretty easy. You know when I put it like that...kinda lame. But the design of Predator is just weird. It's like a giant Jamaican Venus fly trap that will shoot you in the face with big alien guns.
4. Alien (1979)
Alien vs Predator...it's a battle that people have argued about for years. They even made a couple of awful movies about it. Why do I prefer the alien in ALIEN? Because it isn't beat by smearing mud all over you! Plus it's scary. It's got a head inside it's head, acid spit, a super long head. Far superior creature to predator. These things can crawl in small spaces and are super fast. Just like with the predator franchise, I only like the original Alien movie. Some will say ALIENS is better but not me, I actually really dislike ALIENS. Alien is a creepy atmospheric movie that is terrifying to watch. The scare at the end gets me every time.
3. GREMLINS (1984)
Gremlins is one of my all time favorites that I don't own on Blu Ray or DVD. It's hard to believe that something so cute and cuddly can turn into a scaly evil Gremlin. The scene when the mom is alone in the house is still a super scary scene and to this day has made me scared of the song "Do You Hear What I Hear?" Gremlins was just on the other day and I got sucked into it all over again, great movie and very scary monster.
2. Frankenstein (1931)
One of the ORIGINAL Universal Horror movies, Frankenstein is still a very haunting movie and Frankenstein's monster is just as terrifying as ever. The creature played brilliantly by Boris Karloff is kind of a victim in this more than a villain but that really doesn't make him any less scary. His first gut reaction to most things is to strangle it(actually most Universal Monsters did this). I think Bride of Frankenstein is the better movie but the original, is super moody, gothic, and a true classic. No other version of Frankenstein has been as effective as the original played by Karloff.
1. The Thing (1982)
That's right I'm going with the original remake, possibly the best remake of all time, John Carpenter's The Thing starring Kurt Russell. So what is so great about THE THING that it was my number one monster movie? Because there are so many different gross, nasty and most importantly, scary monsters in this movie. You never get a true shot of THE THING itself because it constantly changes. Each new version is just as creepy as the last. That's the thing that I think the new movie missed. It shows the creature a lot and the design is just not as weird as in this original movie. I could put JC's The Thing on many different top 10's, it's actually the movie I was watching that made me think about making this list. It's a great movie if you've never seen it.
HONORABLE MENTION:
THE MONSTER SQUAD. Seriously, it should probably be on this list, but it was on my last list so I didn't want to double dip. But it's got all the classic monsters in it and is just great. See MONSTER SQUAD before you watch VAN HELSING. Van Helsing sucks wolf man nards. Yes, Wolf Man's got nards.
Godzilla(any of them): Honestly, I haven't seen that many of the GODZILLA movies. I do really like the original but haven't seen it enough to put it on my top 10 list.
The Host: It's a little bit like Cloverfield but a big fish thing. It's a great little movie. Check it out if you get a chance. I believe it's on the Netflix Instant.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Jay Thomas vs. The Top 10 Horror-Comedies
My friend Sean text me the other day and told me to prepare some Top 10 horror movies in light of it being October. After putting a ton of movies together we decided it needed to be broken up into straight forward scary horror movies and movie comedies. He drew first blood over on his blog Ecstatic Friday(http://ecstaticfriday.tumblr.com/), no it's my turn. Here are my Top 10 Horror Comedies...
10. Lesbian Vampire Killers(2009)
Let me start by saying, THIS IS NOT PORN! It is however a surprisingly funny and well worth a look, vampire movie. There are a lot of vampire movies out these days and this is one of the few that I genuinely liked. I'd highly recommend giving this a shot.
9. The Monster Squad (1987)
What really makes this movie so great is that it kind of fell of the face of the earth for a long time. There is only a select age group that really knows about this movie and it's sad because everyone should know about THE MONSTER SQUAD! It's like the Goonies meets all the Universal horror Monsters. The best part is that it's a kids movie that is NOT a kids movie. Dracula literally calls a four year old kid a bitch. Right to her face! Menacingly! It's great. I simply adore this movie by Night of the Creeps director Fred Dekker and Shane Black, writer of LETHAL WEAPON.
8. Dead Alive(1992)
A movie from the director of THE LORD OF THE RINGS?! Dead Alive is a complete SPLATTERFEST from Peter Jackson in the vein of Sam Raimi's great THE EVIL DEAD. Lionel is a loveable loser who's mother is bitten by a spider-monkey and all hell literally breaks out! This is one of the nastiest movies I've ever seen and it is also hilarious! Spoiler, this is not the last time you'll see Peter Jackson on this list...
7. SLiTHER(2006)
From the demented mind of James Gunn, Slither is a half creepy crawler movie and flat out zombie splatterfest and I love almost every scene. It stars Nathan Fillion, Elizabeth Banks, and Michael Rooker. An alien asteroid falls in a small town and infects Michael Rooker. Then things get really gross and morbidly funny. I've watched this movie quite a bit and really have liked it more and more. Also Greg Henry is amazing in this.
6. Planet Terror (2007)
Planet Terror is the part of the Movie GRINDHOUSE, that Robert Rodriguez directed. It's a zombie splatterfest that I think really grows on you over time. It is 100% tongue-in-cheek but has some just pure disgusting gore that is so much fun to watch. It's a fun zombie movie that takes itself just serious enough. It's a tough line to stay on because this could have turned into a complete spoof but manages to become a pretty solid zombie/virus outing. Very enjoyable.
5. Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)
What happens when an aging Elvis and old black John F. Kennedy fight an ancient Egyptian mummy? Oh and by the way, Elvis is played by BRUCE CAMPBELL. I absolutely love Bubba Ho-Tep and Bruce Campbell's portrayal of Elvis. This movie reminds me of a weird Tales From the Crypt or Amazing Story...um story. Whenever this movie is on, I'll watch it. That's gotta say something, right?
4. Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006)
A college documentary crew follows Leslie Vernon, a wanna be slasher icon, on the verge of becoming a legend. None of it is real of course but it is all played that way. The movie goes between a documentary style and typical horror movie. The humor in it is very dark but also very funny. Things end up turning pretty dark. It features a couple cameos from horror movie icons. Behind the Mask at times feels similar to Scream in that it pokes fun of the genre and is 100% one of the movies it pokes fun of. Definitely a movie to check out if you haven't seen it.
3. Army of Darkness (1992)
If you're doing a list on the best Horror comedies how do you not include at least one of the Evil Dead movies? Then the next question is, which one do you pick? The Evil Dead, The Evil Dead II or Army of Darkenss??? The original Evil Dead is much more of a straight, low budget, nasty horror movie(spoiler: I saved it for my other top 10). Evil Dead II is a great movie that really continues/remakes the original but with a much sillier tone. But Army of Darkness is just ridiculous amounts of fun. It's not nearly as gross but has probably the best version of Bruce Campbell's Ash that has been on film. This time Ash knows what he is up against so he has this cocky ego that is pure fun to watch. This was a hard pick because honestly any of the Evil Dead movies belong on this list but the one liners and setting just make this movie the hands down pick for me.
2. The Frighteners (1996)
I told you Peter Jackson would be on the list again, this time along side Family Ties star, MICHAEL J. FOX. The Frighteners tells the story of Frank Banister, played by Fox, who after a terrible accident can see and hear spirits. He uses this "gift" to scam people out of money. That is until a vicious spirit from his past comes back to kill everything living, and dead. This is a very funny and actually very funny movie that deserves more credit than I think it's given. It was just re-released on BluRay and I can't wait to pick it up.
1. An American Werewolf in London (1981)
Not only is An American Werewolf in London one of my favorite Horror movies, it's also one of my favorite all around movies. Director John Landis made The Blues Brothers, Animal House and the music video THRILLER among other things, and here, made a truly funny and terrifying werewolf movie. The werewolf movie, like vampire movies, are hard to pull off. If you have a bad creature the movie simply falls apart and just doesn't work. In this particular movie they went with the Jaws approach, in that they barely actually show the FULL creature and it works so well. It's also a very disgusting gory movie, too, that just so happens to be very funny. It balances the horror and comedy perfectly. Griffen Dunn's character Jack is very funny and disturbing all at the same time, while haunting his best friend and newly created werewolf David, played by David Naughton. I've never seen another movie that is so perfectly a classic horror movie and a genuinely funny movie all at the same time. This is my favorite werewolf movie next to the original Wolf Man starring Lon Chaney Jr.
This list was every hard to make. It took a lot longer than I thought it would. Here are some honorable mentions that were at one time on this list but got booted for one reason or another:
Bride of Chucky, Club Dread, The Burbs, Tremors, Fright Night, Transylvania 6-5000, Gremlins, and Zombieland. All great for their own reasons but just didn't make it. You may notice the omission of the mentioned but not listed, Shaun of the Dead. I've only seen it once and at the time, I didn't think it was that great. I've never gotten around to seeing it again, but do plan on it this month sometime.
10. Lesbian Vampire Killers(2009)
9. The Monster Squad (1987)
What really makes this movie so great is that it kind of fell of the face of the earth for a long time. There is only a select age group that really knows about this movie and it's sad because everyone should know about THE MONSTER SQUAD! It's like the Goonies meets all the Universal horror Monsters. The best part is that it's a kids movie that is NOT a kids movie. Dracula literally calls a four year old kid a bitch. Right to her face! Menacingly! It's great. I simply adore this movie by Night of the Creeps director Fred Dekker and Shane Black, writer of LETHAL WEAPON.
8. Dead Alive(1992)
7. SLiTHER(2006)
6. Planet Terror (2007)
5. Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)
4. Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006)
3. Army of Darkness (1992)
2. The Frighteners (1996)
1. An American Werewolf in London (1981)
This list was every hard to make. It took a lot longer than I thought it would. Here are some honorable mentions that were at one time on this list but got booted for one reason or another:
Bride of Chucky, Club Dread, The Burbs, Tremors, Fright Night, Transylvania 6-5000, Gremlins, and Zombieland. All great for their own reasons but just didn't make it. You may notice the omission of the mentioned but not listed, Shaun of the Dead. I've only seen it once and at the time, I didn't think it was that great. I've never gotten around to seeing it again, but do plan on it this month sometime.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Jay Thomas vs. The ______ Blocking Staircase
Last week the wife and I went to see a movie. We saw the movie Drive. We both thought it was great. (I highly recommend it. It is very slow paced and violent, just an fyi) The one bad side effect of going to this movie was that Ryan Gosling was in it. I like the guy, seems nice, good actor, and I enjoyed his movie. The bad part you ask? Now my lovely wife is in LOVE with the guy.
I'm not kidding. It's the real deal. L-O-V-E. She hasn't been this much in love since EMINEM. (It was a long summer...) I've been told nearly every morning on my radio show that I am not romantic. In all truth I'm really not BUT every once in a while I give it a shot. My opportunity presented itself this past weekend. "Crazy, Stupid, Love" a movie that has been out for a long time was still playing in the small town of Perry, Iowa. I don't know much about this movie but I do know that it features Mr. Gosling without his shirt...something I know the MRS. REALLY wants to see on the big screen.
We made plans to go Saturday afternoon. Before we left for Perry we just relaxed all day. As I was flipping through the channels I noticed that it was an EMINEM takeover on FUSE. CHA-CHING. I was taking Shanna to see a shirtless Ryan Gosling and now there is an EMINEM marathon on before hand. This may turn into a pretty good day and into a very fun Saturday night. I let her know what was on and we watched it for a bit. Well done sir, nice move. Everything was going according to plan!
My cousin has a friend in Perry so he decided he would come with. We got to town, had some ice cream and headed to the theater. My cousin and his friend paid first. I looked around at this new movie theater I've never been to. I really like old theaters, not sure why but I do. It was pretty small but had a huge stair case going upstairs to what I imagine was the projection room....I was wrong.
The lady at the counter informed us that the very movie we came to see...the movie that was sure to be the key to the wife's heart...was UP THE STAIRS. Maybe there was an elevator...in a small town movie theater? FAT CHANCE. Shanna turned around and looked at me and said the next logical thing, "Did you want to see one of the other movies? Let's see...."The Help" or "A DOLPHIN'S TALE"...if there was ever a time to use the letters F, M, and L, this was it. FML!
I love my wife, I really do, but I had to say NOT A CHANCE IN HELL was I going to see THOSE two movies by MYSELF. I did think for a second, maybe I could just stay in the car. That thought never came out of my mouth and in fact I said, "I'm not waiting in the car."
After a bit of stand and stare, we all left and came back home. We basically spent a good chunk of Saturday driving thru rural Iowa. Neat. Real cool.
You may be wonder how the rest of the night went, did it go according to plan? Shanna took Benadryl and we watched SNL. Then went to bed. So we could sleep.
I. Hate. Stairs. A lot. They are the bane of my existence. At least I'm not the only one.
I'm not kidding. It's the real deal. L-O-V-E. She hasn't been this much in love since EMINEM. (It was a long summer...) I've been told nearly every morning on my radio show that I am not romantic. In all truth I'm really not BUT every once in a while I give it a shot. My opportunity presented itself this past weekend. "Crazy, Stupid, Love" a movie that has been out for a long time was still playing in the small town of Perry, Iowa. I don't know much about this movie but I do know that it features Mr. Gosling without his shirt...something I know the MRS. REALLY wants to see on the big screen.
We made plans to go Saturday afternoon. Before we left for Perry we just relaxed all day. As I was flipping through the channels I noticed that it was an EMINEM takeover on FUSE. CHA-CHING. I was taking Shanna to see a shirtless Ryan Gosling and now there is an EMINEM marathon on before hand. This may turn into a pretty good day and into a very fun Saturday night. I let her know what was on and we watched it for a bit. Well done sir, nice move. Everything was going according to plan!
My cousin has a friend in Perry so he decided he would come with. We got to town, had some ice cream and headed to the theater. My cousin and his friend paid first. I looked around at this new movie theater I've never been to. I really like old theaters, not sure why but I do. It was pretty small but had a huge stair case going upstairs to what I imagine was the projection room....I was wrong.
The lady at the counter informed us that the very movie we came to see...the movie that was sure to be the key to the wife's heart...was UP THE STAIRS. Maybe there was an elevator...in a small town movie theater? FAT CHANCE. Shanna turned around and looked at me and said the next logical thing, "Did you want to see one of the other movies? Let's see...."The Help" or "A DOLPHIN'S TALE"...if there was ever a time to use the letters F, M, and L, this was it. FML!
I love my wife, I really do, but I had to say NOT A CHANCE IN HELL was I going to see THOSE two movies by MYSELF. I did think for a second, maybe I could just stay in the car. That thought never came out of my mouth and in fact I said, "I'm not waiting in the car."
After a bit of stand and stare, we all left and came back home. We basically spent a good chunk of Saturday driving thru rural Iowa. Neat. Real cool.
You may be wonder how the rest of the night went, did it go according to plan? Shanna took Benadryl and we watched SNL. Then went to bed. So we could sleep.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Jay Thomas vs. A Big Pair of Boots
Another blog, just a day later?! YEPPERS YUP YUP! And it is another of the Chronicles of Jay Thomas: College Adviser! This is probably the most embarrassing memory I have from running the broadcasting program at Iowa Central. Although I have to say, it is easily also one of my favorites because it is just so ridiculous.
A couple bits of set up are required. Firstly, I never had a HUGE group of students and even less were female students. If the higher ups ever needed me I made sure I was able to get to my phone as much as possible. If they scheduled a visit I wanted to be around to give a tour and be able to be as available as I could. One thing I did was, if I had a lab class in the studio, I would leave my office door open and also the studio door so I could easily get away if I needed to.
So one day in the winter of 2010(just after the first of the year), I'm in production with my class. Everyone is dressing a bit warmer by this time. One of my students, the only girl in the program at the time, was wearing very large snow boots and I always thought they were funny looking. She would walk around and you could hear her because of the stomping sounds the boots made. So I noticed them.
We were critiquing assignments and I heard my phone ring. I told whatever student was playing there assignment to pause it because I needed to get the phone. "alright, pause it, I'll be right back." It was at this point I tried to come up with something dumb to say to make my exit. By this I mean, something FUNNY DUMB to say, not something that would make me look like a complete jackass. But...you know...
"Alright, while I'm gone, I want all of you to stare at Kellie's huge boots." Simple statement that went through my head, but when it came out...imagine what it sounded like...especially in a room full of 20-25 year old guys and one girl.
"WHAT?!" They exclaimed!
"NO, NO! Idiots, I said BOOTS, BOOTS, LOOK AT HER BOOTS...THEY'RE HUGE!"
Again, I thought that would have sounded better than it actually did. Also I was now pointing at her. Everybody burst into laughter, eventually after a moment of shock like I had just punched her mother, Kellie burst into laughter, too.
The thing about Kellie that really wasn't helping the matter any was that...how do I say this...She isn't exactly Sandra Bullock--if you're pickin' up what I'm putting down.
And what do I do? Draw a ton of eyes right to her. Good job Jay. Proud of ya.
It's kind of a running gag now when I see her. Still doesn't change that fact that I'm a moron. WHY DID I THINK THAT WAS EVEN FUNNY?! For real though-- those boots were huge! Like Mario 3 big....
 |
| Now entering AWKWARDVILLE! |
A couple bits of set up are required. Firstly, I never had a HUGE group of students and even less were female students. If the higher ups ever needed me I made sure I was able to get to my phone as much as possible. If they scheduled a visit I wanted to be around to give a tour and be able to be as available as I could. One thing I did was, if I had a lab class in the studio, I would leave my office door open and also the studio door so I could easily get away if I needed to.
So one day in the winter of 2010(just after the first of the year), I'm in production with my class. Everyone is dressing a bit warmer by this time. One of my students, the only girl in the program at the time, was wearing very large snow boots and I always thought they were funny looking. She would walk around and you could hear her because of the stomping sounds the boots made. So I noticed them.
We were critiquing assignments and I heard my phone ring. I told whatever student was playing there assignment to pause it because I needed to get the phone. "alright, pause it, I'll be right back." It was at this point I tried to come up with something dumb to say to make my exit. By this I mean, something FUNNY DUMB to say, not something that would make me look like a complete jackass. But...you know...
"Alright, while I'm gone, I want all of you to stare at Kellie's huge boots." Simple statement that went through my head, but when it came out...imagine what it sounded like...especially in a room full of 20-25 year old guys and one girl.
"WHAT?!" They exclaimed!
"NO, NO! Idiots, I said BOOTS, BOOTS, LOOK AT HER BOOTS...THEY'RE HUGE!"
The thing about Kellie that really wasn't helping the matter any was that...how do I say this...She isn't exactly Sandra Bullock--if you're pickin' up what I'm putting down.
 |
| Whatchu Talkin' Bout Willis? |
It's kind of a running gag now when I see her. Still doesn't change that fact that I'm a moron. WHY DID I THINK THAT WAS EVEN FUNNY?! For real though-- those boots were huge! Like Mario 3 big....
 |
| Yep, kinda like this. But two of them...aaand I'm right back to where I started. |
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Jay Thomas vs. The Hang-up
Once upon a time I was the program coordinator of broadcasting at Iowa Central in Fort Dodge. Part of my job was to recruit new people to the program. Sometimes that meant going to area high schools and talk with classes. I was surprisingly OK at that. The other way we would recruit was by having faculty calling nights. This is where our next blog took place.
I had signed up to recruit on a Wednesday night after I left the radio station. I was excited about this recruiting night because for once, I was able to recruit from my office. I liked this because I didn't have to hear other advisers actually get new students AND because it gave me a chance to check on a couple of students that had radio shows at night.
On a side note...I'll probably blog about being at Iowa Central a lot more, specifically being at the college radio station 88.1 The Point. It was one of my greatest time periods in my life. With lots of awkwardness and funny stories. Back to the our program already in progress...
I checked the clock on the computer and noticed it was time to start calling. I got online, grabbed my phone list and prepared to sell this program until my last breath! By the way--sales is not an aspect of radio I've ever been interested in. But with many things I've learned is that you never do exactly what you want to do. You'll do what you love...plus 1000 other things that aren't near as fun.
I grabbed my phone and dialed the first number. Nothing. Dialed the second number...it rang...voicemail...balls. Try the third...kid isn't home. Parents are busy. Neat. Well this is going awesome. When I call students I always have a hand over the phone so I can just click to hang up because most of the time I either don't get through or it's a quick call and then I move on.
I finally get someone at about the 6th call.
"Hi, is__________there?"
"This is."
"Oh, hello! This is Jay Black, Program Coordinator of Broadcasting at Iowa Central in Fort Dodge."
Then I get the usually response in a "OH COME ON...YOU!?" Kind of voice...
"Oh...hi."
I give him the usually speech about what the radio broadcasting program offers and then he drops the line all advisers hate...
"Well I kinda already picked a school."
Then it happened...at the worst possible time....
"Oh ok, no problem." CLICK!
Remember when I said that my hand was always over the phone so I could hang up quick and go to the next call? Well...my finger twitched and I hung up on a kid that had just told me he chose another school. My first thought?
HOLY SH**! I JUST HUNG UP ON THAT KID! I LOOK LIKE SUCH AN ***HOLE!
What do I do next, you may be wondering? I CALL BACK. BUSY....CALL BACK...BUSY....CALL BACK...BUSY. I become a full on stalker now. Then I take a deep breath, back away from my desk, and compose myself a little. I'm about one more call away from a restraining order.
Once I relax and quit thinking about how bad I just made the school look, I start calling more prospective students. I had a few good calls, you know, "maybes" and my favorite, "I'll think about it." But I just couldn't leave well enough alone...
Before I left, I decided to try one more time to call the kid that I had hung up on back. This time...it rings.
"Hello?"
"Hi is this____?
"Yeeaaaah?"
"Hi this is Jay Black again."
"what?"
"Jay Black...from Iowa Central in Fort Dodge."
"Oh...hey?"
"I just wanted you to know that earlier, when you said that you chose a different school. That I didn't hang up on you."
"I---didn't."
"Oh good! I just didn't want you to think that I was mad or anything because you decided to go to another college."
"I didn't...so.."
I wish I could say that I said goodbye and left it alone--but I did not.
"Great! No that is just awesome, I'm happy you found a school you like!"
"thanks."
"So what are you going into?" SERIOUSLY JUST HANG UP!!! I KEPT YELLING AT MYSELF! WHO GIVES A FLYING FUDGE WHAT THIS DOUCHY DOUCHEBAG OF A KID IS GOING INTO...NOT YOUR SCHOOL IS WHAT HE IS GOING INTO!
"I'm not sure yet."
"aaaah don't worry about it, sometimes it takes time. Like when I was in school..." Yep this S*** happened.
Eventually I hung up, this time on purpose, and we never spoke again. I'm currently not employed at Iowa Central.
I had signed up to recruit on a Wednesday night after I left the radio station. I was excited about this recruiting night because for once, I was able to recruit from my office. I liked this because I didn't have to hear other advisers actually get new students AND because it gave me a chance to check on a couple of students that had radio shows at night.
On a side note...I'll probably blog about being at Iowa Central a lot more, specifically being at the college radio station 88.1 The Point. It was one of my greatest time periods in my life. With lots of awkwardness and funny stories. Back to the our program already in progress...
I checked the clock on the computer and noticed it was time to start calling. I got online, grabbed my phone list and prepared to sell this program until my last breath! By the way--sales is not an aspect of radio I've ever been interested in. But with many things I've learned is that you never do exactly what you want to do. You'll do what you love...plus 1000 other things that aren't near as fun.
I grabbed my phone and dialed the first number. Nothing. Dialed the second number...it rang...voicemail...balls. Try the third...kid isn't home. Parents are busy. Neat. Well this is going awesome. When I call students I always have a hand over the phone so I can just click to hang up because most of the time I either don't get through or it's a quick call and then I move on.
I finally get someone at about the 6th call.
"Hi, is__________there?"
"This is."
"Oh, hello! This is Jay Black, Program Coordinator of Broadcasting at Iowa Central in Fort Dodge."
Then I get the usually response in a "OH COME ON...YOU!?" Kind of voice...
"Oh...hi."
I give him the usually speech about what the radio broadcasting program offers and then he drops the line all advisers hate...
"Well I kinda already picked a school."
Then it happened...at the worst possible time....
"Oh ok, no problem." CLICK!
Remember when I said that my hand was always over the phone so I could hang up quick and go to the next call? Well...my finger twitched and I hung up on a kid that had just told me he chose another school. My first thought?
HOLY SH**! I JUST HUNG UP ON THAT KID! I LOOK LIKE SUCH AN ***HOLE!
What do I do next, you may be wondering? I CALL BACK. BUSY....CALL BACK...BUSY....CALL BACK...BUSY. I become a full on stalker now. Then I take a deep breath, back away from my desk, and compose myself a little. I'm about one more call away from a restraining order.
Once I relax and quit thinking about how bad I just made the school look, I start calling more prospective students. I had a few good calls, you know, "maybes" and my favorite, "I'll think about it." But I just couldn't leave well enough alone...
Before I left, I decided to try one more time to call the kid that I had hung up on back. This time...it rings.
"Hello?"
"Hi is this____?
"Yeeaaaah?"
"Hi this is Jay Black again."
"what?"
"Jay Black...from Iowa Central in Fort Dodge."
"Oh...hey?"
"I just wanted you to know that earlier, when you said that you chose a different school. That I didn't hang up on you."
"I---didn't."
"Oh good! I just didn't want you to think that I was mad or anything because you decided to go to another college."
"I didn't...so.."
I wish I could say that I said goodbye and left it alone--but I did not.
"Great! No that is just awesome, I'm happy you found a school you like!"
"thanks."
"So what are you going into?" SERIOUSLY JUST HANG UP!!! I KEPT YELLING AT MYSELF! WHO GIVES A FLYING FUDGE WHAT THIS DOUCHY DOUCHEBAG OF A KID IS GOING INTO...NOT YOUR SCHOOL IS WHAT HE IS GOING INTO!
"I'm not sure yet."
"aaaah don't worry about it, sometimes it takes time. Like when I was in school..." Yep this S*** happened.
 | |
| I imagine this was the look on the person's face. Except in real life it was a boy...which is a tad creepier. |
Eventually I hung up, this time on purpose, and we never spoke again. I'm currently not employed at Iowa Central.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Jay Thomas vs. Jay Thomas?
I got a call from my doctor today and he told me that after speaking with another surgeon, surgery isn't the best option. That means I will not be having surgery anytime soon!
But wait, what about the hernia?
Well it gets to stay and I live around it. How do I do that? Well I'm very glad you've asked, because I have the answer! Before I left Rochester earlier this week they told me to take Miralax. I'll let you figure out what that does. Here is a clue, it'll keep room in my fat belly. Still not getting it? Maybe this will help.
The doctor also said that I need to lose weight. Not sure how that is going to happen but I'm going to try. Eat better I guess, exer..ex...I can't even say that second part but I guess I'll give it a whirl. I have to, otherwise I'll have to have a surgery that would keep me out of action for a while. Action? Yeah action. Why am I arguing with myself? Probably because I'm tired. Aw crap I'm in an endless loop of blogging to myself!
For real though, I'm super lazy! Not sure exactly how I'll get on this and stick to it. I'll have to make myself a workout playlist that consists of music from Rocky, Karate Kid, and The Last Dragon....I'll be slim(let's be honest, less fat.) in no time!
This is what I'm bloggin' about!
This hernia doesn't stand a chance.
But wait, what about the hernia?
Well it gets to stay and I live around it. How do I do that? Well I'm very glad you've asked, because I have the answer! Before I left Rochester earlier this week they told me to take Miralax. I'll let you figure out what that does. Here is a clue, it'll keep room in my fat belly. Still not getting it? Maybe this will help.
 | |||
| There you go(literally!) |
For real though, I'm super lazy! Not sure exactly how I'll get on this and stick to it. I'll have to make myself a workout playlist that consists of music from Rocky, Karate Kid, and The Last Dragon....I'll be slim(let's be honest, less fat.) in no time!
This is what I'm bloggin' about!
This hernia doesn't stand a chance.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Jay Thomas vs. Going Home?
I am back from my super long medical trip. By super long I mean my surprisingly short 24 hour trip. Without a surgery to boot! So am I cured?
Short answer--Nope.
I got up to Rochester and they took my blood from me, bastards. Then I met with a new doctor, a grown up doctor. He seemed nice. Also didn't want to operate on me because he thought it could cause more issues than it would cause good. Also because he wasn't real sure what was going on with my plumbing. Too bad Mario wasn't there to help.
At one point as he was looking at my CT scan he actually said, "I'm not sure what's going on here." Not because I was so diseased up but honestly my insides are rewired and a little goofy looking if you don't have prior knowledge. I've seen those kind of scans a thousand times and I have no clue what's going on.
He suggested that I see one of my old surgeons. So that's just what I did. He told me kind of the same thing but was more open for surgery but he can't do it alone. He is getting a group of people that specialize in hernia's of this kind. Sort of like an...A-TEAM!
So what now? Well, I wait. Not sure how long. I'm thinking sooner rather than later though. In the mean time--
Short answer--Nope.
I got up to Rochester and they took my blood from me, bastards. Then I met with a new doctor, a grown up doctor. He seemed nice. Also didn't want to operate on me because he thought it could cause more issues than it would cause good. Also because he wasn't real sure what was going on with my plumbing. Too bad Mario wasn't there to help.
At one point as he was looking at my CT scan he actually said, "I'm not sure what's going on here." Not because I was so diseased up but honestly my insides are rewired and a little goofy looking if you don't have prior knowledge. I've seen those kind of scans a thousand times and I have no clue what's going on.
He suggested that I see one of my old surgeons. So that's just what I did. He told me kind of the same thing but was more open for surgery but he can't do it alone. He is getting a group of people that specialize in hernia's of this kind. Sort of like an...A-TEAM!
So what now? Well, I wait. Not sure how long. I'm thinking sooner rather than later though. In the mean time--
To Be Continued...
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Jay Thomas vs. Going Under (The Knife!)
Since 1982 I've had countless surgeries. More than I can even remember. My last surgery was my freshman year of high school. That was almost 15 years ago. (holy crap) On Tuesday that 15 year streak of no surgeries comes to an end.
In a way this is a follow up to my blog about talking to the crazy lady at the hospital. I got the results back from my CT scan and as the doctor predicted, I have a hernia. This requires surgery to fix so it's off to Rochester Minnesota, my home away from home.
For the first time I'm not being seen by my pediatric doctors. I'm surprised because last time I saw them for a check up was only five years ago. It was strange being in the waiting room with a bunch of kids but mentally I'm right with 'em. I'm fine with it though, it's time to move on. I'm a unique case to say the least so the doctors held on for quite a while.
I'm not sure how long I'll be at Mayo. With any luck it will only be a couple of days. I've done this stuff before so I'm not worried. I'm sure the pain AFTER surgery will suck but I'll deal with it like I always do. Besides, chicks dig scars, right?
As Desmond Hume from LOST would say, "See you in another life, brotha."
I know this picture won't be accurate but a dude can dream, can't he?!
In a way this is a follow up to my blog about talking to the crazy lady at the hospital. I got the results back from my CT scan and as the doctor predicted, I have a hernia. This requires surgery to fix so it's off to Rochester Minnesota, my home away from home.
For the first time I'm not being seen by my pediatric doctors. I'm surprised because last time I saw them for a check up was only five years ago. It was strange being in the waiting room with a bunch of kids but mentally I'm right with 'em. I'm fine with it though, it's time to move on. I'm a unique case to say the least so the doctors held on for quite a while.
I'm not sure how long I'll be at Mayo. With any luck it will only be a couple of days. I've done this stuff before so I'm not worried. I'm sure the pain AFTER surgery will suck but I'll deal with it like I always do. Besides, chicks dig scars, right?
As Desmond Hume from LOST would say, "See you in another life, brotha."
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Jay Thomas vs. The Summer of 2011
If you haven't been able to tell by now, I love movies. I think they are super spectacular. I usually watch one every couple of days---if not more. Last Tuesday for example I watched two movies; Super and Your Highness. I went to a lot of movies this past summer at the movie theater. Here are my TOP 5 movies of the SUMMER OF 2011:
1. Captain America: The First Avenger.
I loved this movie, it was just a ton of fun from beginning to end. I've never been a huge Captain America comic book reader but always liked the character. Similar to SUPERMAN(my favorite) in character and ideals. The movie worked all across the board. I did think it dragged a bit in the middle but I got over it pretty quick.
2. Rise of the Planets of The Apes.
This would have been number one hands down if the human performances were any damn good but they were not. James Franco was channeling his soap skills in this one unfortunately BUT all is washed away when you get into the story of CAESAR the ape. His arc as a character is one of the best I've seen in a long time. The effects are more than top notch, I loved everything not James Franco in this movie! It was the only movie I saw this summer twice.
3. Bridesmaids.
Bridesmaids had me laughing the entire length of the movie. HILARIOUS doesn't begin to cover it. Some jokes felt like SNL skits on the big screen but they still made me laugh. I really enjoyed Kristen Wiig and I usually don't on SNL. She was outstanding in Bridesmaids. Oh and it is NOT The Hangover for girls, I hate that comparison. No one has beards in this...come on.
4. X-Men: The First Class.
I honestly wasn't sure if the X-Men franchise could rebound after the terrible X-Men: The Last Stand or the somehow even worse X-Men Origins: Wolverine. They did it in a big way with X-MEN: FIRST CLASS. This tells the origins of Erik and Charles or Magneto and Professor X. Friends who become enemies. Michael Fassbender as Magneto is so much fun to watch in every scene. I could do with out a majority of the other mutants though, they were the worst part and the fact that they are sticking to cannon established in the previous movies. I loved the 1960's setting, it made it different and set apart from other superhero movies.
5. Fast Five.
I honestly was torn on number 5 on the list. Thor vs. Fast Five vs. Super 8. I actually saw Fast Five and THOR on the same day and I have to say Fast Five had me rooting for it a bit more. It really is a fun summer movie that is complete guilty pleasure fun. I have to admit the whole Fast franchise has a special place in my heart for some reason, I love almost all of them.(part 2 is really bad) From beginning to end this was a fun popcorn movie that I'm sure I'll watch many times over and I can't lie to you, I'm excited for the next one. The Rock vs Vin Diesel part II. Their fight was awesome.
Honorable Mentions:
SUPER 8.
I really did enjoy a LOT of this movie BUT it fell flat towards the end and the metaphors were extremely forced and not subtle at all. I loved the kids, I loved the overall idea but it just didn't have what the others seemed too.
THOR.
SO CLOSE to making the cut but I've never been a huge fan of THOR and half the time I forget that I saw it. It was extremely entertaining while I was watching it and I'm sure down the road I'll own it but there were far better movies out this summer.
Green Lantern.
Another superhero movie I really did enjoy while I was watching it but again, kind of forget I saw it. I don't think it was anywhere near as bad as think. It's not Van Wilder in tights. It's Van Wilder in a CG body, duh.
My least favorites of the summer:
Bad Teacher-
Funny in parts but very few parts. Very unlikeable characters and not redeemable at all.
Transformers III-
I have disliked every Transformers movie and this one was no exception. Better than the second but still a turd sandwich.
The Hangover II-
I wouldn't call this bad but it was ultimately forgettable. I really remember very little about this movie. I remember laughing a lot but I have no clue what I was laughing at.
Cowboys and Aliens-
I really liked Daniel Craig in this but that is really about it. As time as gone on I realized I liked it less than I thought. It was really boring. I did slightly like the alien in this better than the alien in Super 8.
1. Captain America: The First Avenger.
I loved this movie, it was just a ton of fun from beginning to end. I've never been a huge Captain America comic book reader but always liked the character. Similar to SUPERMAN(my favorite) in character and ideals. The movie worked all across the board. I did think it dragged a bit in the middle but I got over it pretty quick.
2. Rise of the Planets of The Apes.
This would have been number one hands down if the human performances were any damn good but they were not. James Franco was channeling his soap skills in this one unfortunately BUT all is washed away when you get into the story of CAESAR the ape. His arc as a character is one of the best I've seen in a long time. The effects are more than top notch, I loved everything not James Franco in this movie! It was the only movie I saw this summer twice.
3. Bridesmaids.
Bridesmaids had me laughing the entire length of the movie. HILARIOUS doesn't begin to cover it. Some jokes felt like SNL skits on the big screen but they still made me laugh. I really enjoyed Kristen Wiig and I usually don't on SNL. She was outstanding in Bridesmaids. Oh and it is NOT The Hangover for girls, I hate that comparison. No one has beards in this...come on.
4. X-Men: The First Class.
I honestly wasn't sure if the X-Men franchise could rebound after the terrible X-Men: The Last Stand or the somehow even worse X-Men Origins: Wolverine. They did it in a big way with X-MEN: FIRST CLASS. This tells the origins of Erik and Charles or Magneto and Professor X. Friends who become enemies. Michael Fassbender as Magneto is so much fun to watch in every scene. I could do with out a majority of the other mutants though, they were the worst part and the fact that they are sticking to cannon established in the previous movies. I loved the 1960's setting, it made it different and set apart from other superhero movies.
5. Fast Five.
I honestly was torn on number 5 on the list. Thor vs. Fast Five vs. Super 8. I actually saw Fast Five and THOR on the same day and I have to say Fast Five had me rooting for it a bit more. It really is a fun summer movie that is complete guilty pleasure fun. I have to admit the whole Fast franchise has a special place in my heart for some reason, I love almost all of them.(part 2 is really bad) From beginning to end this was a fun popcorn movie that I'm sure I'll watch many times over and I can't lie to you, I'm excited for the next one. The Rock vs Vin Diesel part II. Their fight was awesome.
Honorable Mentions:
SUPER 8.
I really did enjoy a LOT of this movie BUT it fell flat towards the end and the metaphors were extremely forced and not subtle at all. I loved the kids, I loved the overall idea but it just didn't have what the others seemed too.
THOR.
SO CLOSE to making the cut but I've never been a huge fan of THOR and half the time I forget that I saw it. It was extremely entertaining while I was watching it and I'm sure down the road I'll own it but there were far better movies out this summer.
Green Lantern.
Another superhero movie I really did enjoy while I was watching it but again, kind of forget I saw it. I don't think it was anywhere near as bad as think. It's not Van Wilder in tights. It's Van Wilder in a CG body, duh.
My least favorites of the summer:
Bad Teacher-
Funny in parts but very few parts. Very unlikeable characters and not redeemable at all.
Transformers III-
I have disliked every Transformers movie and this one was no exception. Better than the second but still a turd sandwich.
The Hangover II-
I wouldn't call this bad but it was ultimately forgettable. I really remember very little about this movie. I remember laughing a lot but I have no clue what I was laughing at.
Cowboys and Aliens-
I really liked Daniel Craig in this but that is really about it. As time as gone on I realized I liked it less than I thought. It was really boring. I did slightly like the alien in this better than the alien in Super 8.
Jay Thomas Vs Bruce
I was on Facebook a little bit ago and creeping on some friends I haven't seen for a while. Seen meaning communicating via Facebook. I found a picture that I wanted to comment on and began typing away. In this picture I make a reference to my niece. As I'm spelling the word niece I do the common mistake of forgetting I before E except after C.
At this point, I have spelled the word neice. My phone highlights it and suggests that I change it to..."BRUCE". Now I've had some odd auto corrects before but this was a simple mistake of switching two letters around. What are the odds the I meant BRUCE?! The word before Bruce/niece was "MY". My Bruce? That's what you think makes sense auto correct?!
I'm a little concerned that my phone is drunk or at the very least went to public school.
At this point, I have spelled the word neice. My phone highlights it and suggests that I change it to..."BRUCE". Now I've had some odd auto corrects before but this was a simple mistake of switching two letters around. What are the odds the I meant BRUCE?! The word before Bruce/niece was "MY". My Bruce? That's what you think makes sense auto correct?!
I'm a little concerned that my phone is drunk or at the very least went to public school.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Jay Thomas VS The STRANGEr
One thing I've come to know over the years is that I hate stop and chats. you know, when you see someone you know and are more or less forced to talk with. But you know what's worse? When you don't know the person and you are stuck in a hallway with an IV in your arm and a complete stranger starts talking to you.
Earlier today I had to go to the hospital to get a CT Scan to check out my insides. The tech guy asked if I had any kidney problems. I replied, "No. But I only have one...is that going to be an issue?" He looked at me with this blank stare that had a slight hint of "uuuuuggghhh, come on!" He didn't say that luckily but I could see it in his eyes. He said I needed a blood test first to find out if the ole kidney could handle the stuff they were going to pump in me.
After he stole my blood the guy took me into the hallway while we waited for the results to come back. I sat there for a second, not being able to fulling bend my left arm, and decided to get my phone...facebook and twitter it up. Right when I turn my phone on a lady from the other room pops her head out to say hello. I said hi and smiled. She made some simple joke about the guy just dropping me off in the hallway. I pity laughed and looked at my phone. She walked away.....and came back to keep me company. Crap taco.
She stood in the door way with a giant cup of something. She started talking to me about my job and how she can't talk in front of people. Really? Could have fooled me! She was nice but really chatty. At some point, and I'm not even sure how this happened, but she started talking about how her power went out once and it shorted out her refrigerator. When she opened the freezer it smelled like roadkill and it cost her almost 400 dollars. I said, "Jeez...wow....oh man...that...sucks."
As she talked I started listening to her voice and I noticed she was slurring almost every word that was coming out of her mouth. Then I started to think, "Maybe she had a stroke." or "Maybe that's liquor in that giant cup!" That had to be it! I tried to control the look on my face and pretend I was listening but I was obsessed with this idea that this woman was hammered harder than the frost giants in THOR.(sorry nerd slip)
After what seemed to be an eternity she said the words that will haunt me for at least 14 more minutes, "well I should get back to work..."
The End.
Earlier today I had to go to the hospital to get a CT Scan to check out my insides. The tech guy asked if I had any kidney problems. I replied, "No. But I only have one...is that going to be an issue?" He looked at me with this blank stare that had a slight hint of "uuuuuggghhh, come on!" He didn't say that luckily but I could see it in his eyes. He said I needed a blood test first to find out if the ole kidney could handle the stuff they were going to pump in me.
After he stole my blood the guy took me into the hallway while we waited for the results to come back. I sat there for a second, not being able to fulling bend my left arm, and decided to get my phone...facebook and twitter it up. Right when I turn my phone on a lady from the other room pops her head out to say hello. I said hi and smiled. She made some simple joke about the guy just dropping me off in the hallway. I pity laughed and looked at my phone. She walked away.....and came back to keep me company. Crap taco.
She stood in the door way with a giant cup of something. She started talking to me about my job and how she can't talk in front of people. Really? Could have fooled me! She was nice but really chatty. At some point, and I'm not even sure how this happened, but she started talking about how her power went out once and it shorted out her refrigerator. When she opened the freezer it smelled like roadkill and it cost her almost 400 dollars. I said, "Jeez...wow....oh man...that...sucks."
As she talked I started listening to her voice and I noticed she was slurring almost every word that was coming out of her mouth. Then I started to think, "Maybe she had a stroke." or "Maybe that's liquor in that giant cup!" That had to be it! I tried to control the look on my face and pretend I was listening but I was obsessed with this idea that this woman was hammered harder than the frost giants in THOR.(sorry nerd slip)
After what seemed to be an eternity she said the words that will haunt me for at least 14 more minutes, "well I should get back to work..."
The End.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Jay Thomas Vs The funniest Joke I've ever made up
As my wife Shanna and I were driving to dinner tonight we drove by one of the three subway locations in town. I looked over and said...are you ready for this....
"Hey Subway, what's for dinner tonight? Sandwiches?"
The End.
"Hey Subway, what's for dinner tonight? Sandwiches?"
The End.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Jay Thomas VS. The Curse of the Blaker Vacation
In my last blog I talked about the beginning of the 2nd BLAKER VACATION(a vacation that happens when my wife and I travel with our friends the Bakers). Well now for the rest of it. Did the Blaker curse show up again? You betcha!
After our more than rough start getting to Baltimore or more specifically Ellicot City, we arrived a little after noon on Friday, July 29th. Dylan met us at the airport and took us to grab lunch at a place that has a lot of noodle dishes. I think it was called Noodle shop or Noodle Factory or something along those lines. I got the same noodle dish Dylan got because it sounded good. I got mine with Shrimp. When we got to Heidi and Dylan's appartment we all sat down and ate. I noticed my mouth was starting to hurt a bit and I was sweating. I forgot Dylan likes really HOT food, me? Not so much. That mixed with Heidi having the air set at 80 degrees explained the sweating. Really? 80? Trying to thaw an iceman?
We hung around the house and watched Breaking Bad that first night. Amazing show BTW. I was hooked almost instantly. Well not instantly, at first I was more concerned about the burning in my mouth but once that subsided I was all in for Breaking Bad.
Saturday we hung out at the harbor of in Baltimore and it was a lot of fun. There was anime/comic book convention somewhere near by, this was evident by all the people in costumes. They were very strange but fun. Captain America was also there. Did I mention I was wearing my Captain America shirt? I ducked out of his sight as fast as I could. My shirt mixed with the chair was like a magnet. Luckily I escaped.
The rest of the vacation consisted of us hanging out, watching Breaking Bad and eating. We ate at a place called the Crab Shanty. It was fantastic. Most importantly hanging out with two of my best friends was a lot of fun and relaxing.
On the last day things got interesting again. The apartment complex that the Bakers lived in was being cleaned so there was a working hosing down the windows and porches right outside. I told Heidi I was going to just watch the guy when he cleaned her porch. She got nervous and begged me not to do it. Then when the ladder hit the porch I got really excited...until the guy actually came up. I felt awkward and decided not to look at the man. We just tried to watch Breaking Bad while he loudly hosed the sliding glass door RIGHT BEHIND ME. I got really creeped out. That said, he did a nice job.
We said our goodbyes and headed to the airport. Next stop home....or was it?!
Mother nature, being the very nice lady she is decided to wait until we were already on the plane to make a THUNDERSTORM DELAYING OUR FLIGHT FOR OVER AN HOUR THUS MAKING US MISS OUR CONNECTING FLIGHT IN MEMPHIS. REAL NEAT MOTHER NATURE!
When the plane arrived in Memphis we noticed that my chair looked a little different. Aw shucks, the right foot rest was missing. That's neat. Super cool. Terrific. They lost it, so I just dangled for the night. Thanks Delta. Appreciate it. The airline couldn't put us on a new flight until the next day so we had to stay at a Comfort Inn. They teased us too, the guy that drove our shuttle van kept referencing the Marriot and even drove up to it, only to keep driving past some menacing looking trees right to the Comfort Inn.
Then on Tuesday we got on our flight from Memphis to Des Moines. Pretty uneventful flight(The way I like it) except for our flight attendant who was CLEARLY hungover and couldn't fully remember her whole seatbelt/exits/condescending bs schpeel.
It was a good vacation despite the Blaker Vacation Curse showing up at the beginning and end of the trip. Before we got in the house on Tuesday afternoon, Heidi called and started talking about ideas for a third Blaker Vacation....possibly to Vegas or Hawaii. The Blaker Vacation III?
EPILOGUE:
Delta Airlines called me on Friday afternoon and told me they found my foot rest and they were sending it to me. How they lost it for 4 days, I have no idea, but it's on the way home.
After our more than rough start getting to Baltimore or more specifically Ellicot City, we arrived a little after noon on Friday, July 29th. Dylan met us at the airport and took us to grab lunch at a place that has a lot of noodle dishes. I think it was called Noodle shop or Noodle Factory or something along those lines. I got the same noodle dish Dylan got because it sounded good. I got mine with Shrimp. When we got to Heidi and Dylan's appartment we all sat down and ate. I noticed my mouth was starting to hurt a bit and I was sweating. I forgot Dylan likes really HOT food, me? Not so much. That mixed with Heidi having the air set at 80 degrees explained the sweating. Really? 80? Trying to thaw an iceman?
We hung around the house and watched Breaking Bad that first night. Amazing show BTW. I was hooked almost instantly. Well not instantly, at first I was more concerned about the burning in my mouth but once that subsided I was all in for Breaking Bad.
Saturday we hung out at the harbor of in Baltimore and it was a lot of fun. There was anime/comic book convention somewhere near by, this was evident by all the people in costumes. They were very strange but fun. Captain America was also there. Did I mention I was wearing my Captain America shirt? I ducked out of his sight as fast as I could. My shirt mixed with the chair was like a magnet. Luckily I escaped.
The rest of the vacation consisted of us hanging out, watching Breaking Bad and eating. We ate at a place called the Crab Shanty. It was fantastic. Most importantly hanging out with two of my best friends was a lot of fun and relaxing.
 |
| I look like I'm about to be shot by a guy from HALO. |
We said our goodbyes and headed to the airport. Next stop home....or was it?!
 |
When the plane arrived in Memphis we noticed that my chair looked a little different. Aw shucks, the right foot rest was missing. That's neat. Super cool. Terrific. They lost it, so I just dangled for the night. Thanks Delta. Appreciate it. The airline couldn't put us on a new flight until the next day so we had to stay at a Comfort Inn. They teased us too, the guy that drove our shuttle van kept referencing the Marriot and even drove up to it, only to keep driving past some menacing looking trees right to the Comfort Inn.
 |
| Ok it wasn't this bad. |
Then on Tuesday we got on our flight from Memphis to Des Moines. Pretty uneventful flight(The way I like it) except for our flight attendant who was CLEARLY hungover and couldn't fully remember her whole seatbelt/exits/condescending bs schpeel.
 | |
| I mean really? A two year old could figure this out. |
It was a good vacation despite the Blaker Vacation Curse showing up at the beginning and end of the trip. Before we got in the house on Tuesday afternoon, Heidi called and started talking about ideas for a third Blaker Vacation....possibly to Vegas or Hawaii. The Blaker Vacation III?
 |
| A Hawaiian vacation didn't work so well for the Brady's, how could it work for us?! |
EPILOGUE:
Delta Airlines called me on Friday afternoon and told me they found my foot rest and they were sending it to me. How they lost it for 4 days, I have no idea, but it's on the way home.
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