Well hello there! How have you been? I haven't posted anything new on here since March. A lot has happened since March. My birthday, for one, I turned 30! YAY 30! My birthday was not fun. Had some work things get in the way of enjoying it. That can happen. I did enjoy my presents. I now finally own The Frighteners on Blu-ray. It's a movie I've always enjoyed and NEVER owned. I recorded it on VHS off of STARZ a looooong time ago, but never actually owned it.
What else has happened? OH! I saw the Avengers. Not only that but I saw it at midnight and still did my morning show the next day. I loved it, who didn't? It was action packed, funny, and had an awesome version of The Hulk. Loved it. As for the other summer movies? Well...none of them have been nearly as good. Prometheus came and went for me. I liked a lot of elements of it but overall it's kind of a mess and I like it a lot less when I think about it. Piranha 3DD wasn't worse than I thought but also wasn't better either. It's exactly what you think it is, blood 'n boobs. Men in Black 3 was ok but that's about it. I enjoy being in the Men in Black world but overall it was just kind of meh. Just saw Abraham Lincoln today and it was almost ok but just kind of a mess. It had a fun premise but overall just there. I'll forget I saw it at the end of the summer.
Nothing overly awkward or silly has happened that has made me want to blog. Come on world, give me something to blog about! I wish I wouldn't have written that last line...what have I done?! What chaos have I brought upon myself?? I guess we'll see...
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Jay Thomas vs Truckin' Lent
I've never really done the Lent "thing". I've never been terribly religious and just didn't really want to give anything up. I also just thought that was a catholic thing. Plus I hate the movie 40 Days and 40 Nights.
This year for whatever reason I decided to take part in Lent with a couple of my co-workers. We all swear a lot. A ton. Very vulgar people, but genuinely sweet to be around. The plan was, if we said a naughty word like...well I can't say or type them but you can guess, we would donate a canned good to a food pantry. We would trust each other on the honor system that if we swore we would let the others know.
On the second day we added a quarter on to every time we swore after the initial offense. No bull snottin' around, this has been tough. We each donated a can and change everyday the first week. The first weekend I only had one mistake but it wasn't my fault. It was my wife. She made me do it by eating the last dark chocolate graham cracker treat and leaving the box empty on the counter. I was super peeved at that one. I called her a "brat @$$". I made it up and it cost me a can.
I've learned in the last two weeks that one of my favorite words is the "SH" word. Maybe you refer to it as just simply the "S" word. If you are still lost in the woods, I'm talking about the other word for poop, doodie, dookie, crap, feces that starts with an SH and ends with the tiny word IT. This is the word that has caused me a lot of soup. I love soup but as it turns out, I like that word even more. I say it like I breathe.
Last week, I did pretty well actually. Only two cans and 50 cents. It's getting easier not to say mutha crackin' naughty words but I can feel the itch. Right down to my gosh darn soul. With any rootin' tootin' luck I'll make it out of Lent alive and fudgin' kickin'!(I don't kick due to my disability so that last part was just unnecessary, my apologies.)
I guess we'll see what week 3 will bring. Hopefully it won't be a donkey face and go easy on this silly Richard head. My fingers are truckin' crossed!
Your friend,
Jay
This year for whatever reason I decided to take part in Lent with a couple of my co-workers. We all swear a lot. A ton. Very vulgar people, but genuinely sweet to be around. The plan was, if we said a naughty word like...well I can't say or type them but you can guess, we would donate a canned good to a food pantry. We would trust each other on the honor system that if we swore we would let the others know.
On the second day we added a quarter on to every time we swore after the initial offense. No bull snottin' around, this has been tough. We each donated a can and change everyday the first week. The first weekend I only had one mistake but it wasn't my fault. It was my wife. She made me do it by eating the last dark chocolate graham cracker treat and leaving the box empty on the counter. I was super peeved at that one. I called her a "brat @$$". I made it up and it cost me a can.
I've learned in the last two weeks that one of my favorite words is the "SH" word. Maybe you refer to it as just simply the "S" word. If you are still lost in the woods, I'm talking about the other word for poop, doodie, dookie, crap, feces that starts with an SH and ends with the tiny word IT. This is the word that has caused me a lot of soup. I love soup but as it turns out, I like that word even more. I say it like I breathe.
Last week, I did pretty well actually. Only two cans and 50 cents. It's getting easier not to say mutha crackin' naughty words but I can feel the itch. Right down to my gosh darn soul. With any rootin' tootin' luck I'll make it out of Lent alive and fudgin' kickin'!(I don't kick due to my disability so that last part was just unnecessary, my apologies.)
I guess we'll see what week 3 will bring. Hopefully it won't be a donkey face and go easy on this silly Richard head. My fingers are truckin' crossed!
Your friend,
Jay
Friday, February 17, 2012
Jay Thomas Vs. That's Not Lotion!
I'm not a lotion guy. Never have been anyway. But lately I'm noticing that the palms of my hands are starting to resemble the bottom of most peoples feet. Makes sense, I use my hands like feet on a daily basis. Usually the only lotion in my house is all girly smelling and I don't use it.
Yesterday, I noticed my hands were felling a bit rough and dry. I was sitting on the floor and looked at the coffee table in front of me. I saw some lotion and dumped some on my hands. I noticed things were a bit funny because it came out more like tooth paste and had a smell like something you would use to put on your feet but masked in mint. I turn the bottle around and see the words, "FOOT SCRUB".
From this point I just starting rubbing it in and it doesn't feel good. I feels like I'm rubbing thick tooth paste and sand into my hands. But by this time, it's too late, I can't stop, so I keep rubbing it in. The smell is super strong and my hands are yelling at me, "STOP! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW!"
Shanna comes home and I look at her and point to the foot scrub on the table and say, "That's not lotion." She replies, "I know." Followed immediately by "Why?" "I thought it was lotion, " I said. She then began to laugh at me. Then asked a very logical question, "What did you use it for?" "MY HANDS...THANK GOD" I said with a sense of relief.
She told me I'd be fine and I needed to go wash my hands. Oh great now I have to get this smell on my wheels. At the end of the day, I lived and learned.
My hands are also super soft!
Yesterday, I noticed my hands were felling a bit rough and dry. I was sitting on the floor and looked at the coffee table in front of me. I saw some lotion and dumped some on my hands. I noticed things were a bit funny because it came out more like tooth paste and had a smell like something you would use to put on your feet but masked in mint. I turn the bottle around and see the words, "FOOT SCRUB".
From this point I just starting rubbing it in and it doesn't feel good. I feels like I'm rubbing thick tooth paste and sand into my hands. But by this time, it's too late, I can't stop, so I keep rubbing it in. The smell is super strong and my hands are yelling at me, "STOP! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW!"
Shanna comes home and I look at her and point to the foot scrub on the table and say, "That's not lotion." She replies, "I know." Followed immediately by "Why?" "I thought it was lotion, " I said. She then began to laugh at me. Then asked a very logical question, "What did you use it for?" "MY HANDS...THANK GOD" I said with a sense of relief.
She told me I'd be fine and I needed to go wash my hands. Oh great now I have to get this smell on my wheels. At the end of the day, I lived and learned.
My hands are also super soft!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Jay Thomas VS. The Box Office of 2011
I saw a lot of movies this year and most of them were just OK. There were a few exceptions but over all the movies this year were middle of the road. Here is a list of my top 10 movies of the 2011, I'm sure it is going to be very much open to debate.
First up my honorable mentions: PAUL, SUPER, RUBBER, FAST FIVE, THOR, SUPER 8, HARRY POTTER 7.5, SOURCE CODE, ADJUSTMENT BUREAU, SUPER 8
10. Everything Must Go:
Everything Must Go is a drama/comedy starring Will Ferrell. Like Stranger Than Fiction, Will Farrell gets a bit serious at times and you know what...he is really good at it. I like him in movies like this more than say, Ricky Bobby. "Everything" has some really great little moments that made me laugh pretty hard. The humor tends to be subtle and the drama can be a little thick but it was a very good movie.
9. Attack the Block
Attack the Block is a horror comedy from across the pond. The only really noticeable actor in it is Nick Frost from Shaun of the Dead. "Attack" is about a group of kids in the inner-city. They are rough and dangerous. One night their hood is attacked by a group of interesting looking aliens and they decide to fight back! I say interesting because there have been a lot of alien movies out lately and the aliens really aren't that interesting looking at all or all that unique but in this, they are very original and very cool. The kids are fantastic and a ball to watch. I prefer this to SUPER 8 for the best alien movie featuring a group of kids that came out last summer. Check this movie out, it's a lot of fun!
8. The Debt:
The Debt is a spy thriller starring Helen Mirren, who plays an ex spy whose life comes back to haunt her. The Debt is a extremely effective thriller that has a ton of suspense and action that had me at the edge of my seat a couple of times. Sam Worthington co-stars along with Jessica Chastain as the younger Helen Mirren. This was a very small movie that I hadn't heard of until recently but I'm glad I had because I really liked this movie a lot.
7. X-Men: First Class:
I talked about X-Men: First Class in a previous blog so I won't get into too much detail but this movie is great. It really had a lot against it because the last two X-Men movies just plain SUCKED. They were Superman III and Batman and Robin combined. So when Matthew Vaughn's X-Men: First Class came out and it was really super fantastic, I was hesitant to say the least. Then I saw it and loved the style and the cast. Although, I'll say this, I really didn't care for the supporting "mutants". They were all pretty lame and familiar in a generic way but Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy more than made up for it.
6. Bridesmaids:
Another one I've already talked about, Bridesmaids was the surprise hit of the summer starring Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, and Melissa McCarthy. Extremely raunchy comedy that had me laughing the entire way through it and the best part is that it is still funny during the second viewing. The length was a little harder to get through the second time though. Nothing like a good Apatow movie that seems to go on a bit too long but never the less, it's fantastic.
5. Fright Night:
The remake that I really had very little urge to see but am so glad I did. This is a remake that seems to get it "right". The story is familiar but it's not a shot to shot remake, it truly is a re-imagining of the original. I've never been a HUGE fan of the original. I mean, I like it, but unlike a lot of people I know, I'm not in love with it. The thing I think I love the most in this is that Colin Farrell seems to be having a blast playing the evil neighbor/vampire, Jerry. I've watched this twice since it came out on Blu-Ray and I seem to like it more and more every time I watch it.
4. Captain America: The First Avenger
I really love just about every second of this movie. It is a blast from beginning to end. Chris Evans plays Steve Rogers aka Captain America. Steve always wanted to be in the army but was too small and weak. This never stops him from trying. This catches the eye of a scientist who injects our hero with a little SUPER SOLDIER SERUM and BOOM! CAPTAIN AMERICA IS BORN! This movie reminds me of Indiana Jones and The Rocketeer with a hint of Superman thrown in. Or as I call it and SUPER SUPERHERO MOVIE SERUM! The only thing that I think could hurt this movie is if The Avengers sucks. If it tanks and is horrible, it could really hurt Cap, Thor, and Iron Man. Captain America is a great fun, check it out!
3. Rise of the Planet of the Apes:
I've always loved the Planet of the Apes series but was a little hesitant to see this latest incarnation. I mean Tim Burton's remake didn't do the series any favors and James Franco as a scientist is harder to believe than talking monkeys...excuse me, Apes. The special effects in this movie are really just mind blowing and seamless. Andy Serkis as Caesar the ape is a truly great performance. Rise is kind of a remake of Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, which is my favorite of the ape movies and it does a really great job of updating it. This should probably get a few Oscars come award time for effects at least.
2. Warrior:
I really wanted to see this movie in the theaters but unfortunately it wasn't in theaters long enough. For some reason this movie kind of tanked at the box office and I have no idea why. This movie is great! Every performance is perfect. From Nick Nolte to Tom Hardy to Joel Edgerton. Warrior is inspirational, emotional, brutal and really compelling to watch. It's about a family that is very broken, more specifically, about two brothers who haven't seen each other in years. They are both MMA fighters that enter a tournament. They both need money for different reasons and have to claw their way to the top. A lot of times it reminded me of Rocky but times two. Nick Nolte plays their recovering alcoholic father who is trying very hard to stay sober and reconnect with his family he has pretty much destroyed. I loved every moment of this movie.
1. Drive:
If there was ever a movie I didn't expect to completely fall in love with it was Drive. Drive is not for everyone but it should be. It's another one of those movies that really flew under the radar but if you were lucky enough to see it you either fell into the LOVE IT category or the HATE IT category. Ryan Gosling stars in this...action movie? Drama? Romance? Thriller? It's all of these and it takes it's time to be all of these and does it in a very unique way. Ryan Gosling plays...wait for it...Driver. Actually I don't think he has a name, it's never said anyway. "Driver" doesn't say much but he doesn't have too, every look he makes it's like he is talking. It's really weird how he does it but however he did it, it worked. He falls for his neighbor and her son. He looks after them until her husband gets out of jail. Gosling's character doesn't try to steal her away either, he just stays around to make sure Carey Mulligan's character and son are ok. Of course all hell breaks loose and Driver gets thrown into the middle of things. He tends to react in EXTREMELY violent ways, which is a switch from the early parts of the movie where he is quiet and the only action you see is him driving getaway cars. DRIVE has this really interesting style that almost makes it feel like it was made in the 80's. Bryan Cranston and Albert Brooks both have amazing co-starring roles that are both memorable. Brooks is just terrifying in it. The second the credits rolled, I wanted to watch this again and again. I've still only seen it once but can't wait until January 30th when I can own it and watch it over and over again!
Worst Movies of the Year: GREEN HORNET, JUST GO WITH IT, DRIVE ANGRY, HANNA, THE WARD, BAD TEACHER, TRANSFORMERS 3, COWBOYS AND ALIENS, DYLAN DOG
First up my honorable mentions: PAUL, SUPER, RUBBER, FAST FIVE, THOR, SUPER 8, HARRY POTTER 7.5, SOURCE CODE, ADJUSTMENT BUREAU, SUPER 8
10. Everything Must Go:
Everything Must Go is a drama/comedy starring Will Ferrell. Like Stranger Than Fiction, Will Farrell gets a bit serious at times and you know what...he is really good at it. I like him in movies like this more than say, Ricky Bobby. "Everything" has some really great little moments that made me laugh pretty hard. The humor tends to be subtle and the drama can be a little thick but it was a very good movie.
9. Attack the Block
Attack the Block is a horror comedy from across the pond. The only really noticeable actor in it is Nick Frost from Shaun of the Dead. "Attack" is about a group of kids in the inner-city. They are rough and dangerous. One night their hood is attacked by a group of interesting looking aliens and they decide to fight back! I say interesting because there have been a lot of alien movies out lately and the aliens really aren't that interesting looking at all or all that unique but in this, they are very original and very cool. The kids are fantastic and a ball to watch. I prefer this to SUPER 8 for the best alien movie featuring a group of kids that came out last summer. Check this movie out, it's a lot of fun!
8. The Debt:
The Debt is a spy thriller starring Helen Mirren, who plays an ex spy whose life comes back to haunt her. The Debt is a extremely effective thriller that has a ton of suspense and action that had me at the edge of my seat a couple of times. Sam Worthington co-stars along with Jessica Chastain as the younger Helen Mirren. This was a very small movie that I hadn't heard of until recently but I'm glad I had because I really liked this movie a lot.
7. X-Men: First Class:
I talked about X-Men: First Class in a previous blog so I won't get into too much detail but this movie is great. It really had a lot against it because the last two X-Men movies just plain SUCKED. They were Superman III and Batman and Robin combined. So when Matthew Vaughn's X-Men: First Class came out and it was really super fantastic, I was hesitant to say the least. Then I saw it and loved the style and the cast. Although, I'll say this, I really didn't care for the supporting "mutants". They were all pretty lame and familiar in a generic way but Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy more than made up for it.
6. Bridesmaids:
Another one I've already talked about, Bridesmaids was the surprise hit of the summer starring Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, and Melissa McCarthy. Extremely raunchy comedy that had me laughing the entire way through it and the best part is that it is still funny during the second viewing. The length was a little harder to get through the second time though. Nothing like a good Apatow movie that seems to go on a bit too long but never the less, it's fantastic.
5. Fright Night:
The remake that I really had very little urge to see but am so glad I did. This is a remake that seems to get it "right". The story is familiar but it's not a shot to shot remake, it truly is a re-imagining of the original. I've never been a HUGE fan of the original. I mean, I like it, but unlike a lot of people I know, I'm not in love with it. The thing I think I love the most in this is that Colin Farrell seems to be having a blast playing the evil neighbor/vampire, Jerry. I've watched this twice since it came out on Blu-Ray and I seem to like it more and more every time I watch it.
4. Captain America: The First Avenger
I really love just about every second of this movie. It is a blast from beginning to end. Chris Evans plays Steve Rogers aka Captain America. Steve always wanted to be in the army but was too small and weak. This never stops him from trying. This catches the eye of a scientist who injects our hero with a little SUPER SOLDIER SERUM and BOOM! CAPTAIN AMERICA IS BORN! This movie reminds me of Indiana Jones and The Rocketeer with a hint of Superman thrown in. Or as I call it and SUPER SUPERHERO MOVIE SERUM! The only thing that I think could hurt this movie is if The Avengers sucks. If it tanks and is horrible, it could really hurt Cap, Thor, and Iron Man. Captain America is a great fun, check it out!
3. Rise of the Planet of the Apes:
I've always loved the Planet of the Apes series but was a little hesitant to see this latest incarnation. I mean Tim Burton's remake didn't do the series any favors and James Franco as a scientist is harder to believe than talking monkeys...excuse me, Apes. The special effects in this movie are really just mind blowing and seamless. Andy Serkis as Caesar the ape is a truly great performance. Rise is kind of a remake of Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, which is my favorite of the ape movies and it does a really great job of updating it. This should probably get a few Oscars come award time for effects at least.
2. Warrior:
I really wanted to see this movie in the theaters but unfortunately it wasn't in theaters long enough. For some reason this movie kind of tanked at the box office and I have no idea why. This movie is great! Every performance is perfect. From Nick Nolte to Tom Hardy to Joel Edgerton. Warrior is inspirational, emotional, brutal and really compelling to watch. It's about a family that is very broken, more specifically, about two brothers who haven't seen each other in years. They are both MMA fighters that enter a tournament. They both need money for different reasons and have to claw their way to the top. A lot of times it reminded me of Rocky but times two. Nick Nolte plays their recovering alcoholic father who is trying very hard to stay sober and reconnect with his family he has pretty much destroyed. I loved every moment of this movie.
1. Drive:
If there was ever a movie I didn't expect to completely fall in love with it was Drive. Drive is not for everyone but it should be. It's another one of those movies that really flew under the radar but if you were lucky enough to see it you either fell into the LOVE IT category or the HATE IT category. Ryan Gosling stars in this...action movie? Drama? Romance? Thriller? It's all of these and it takes it's time to be all of these and does it in a very unique way. Ryan Gosling plays...wait for it...Driver. Actually I don't think he has a name, it's never said anyway. "Driver" doesn't say much but he doesn't have too, every look he makes it's like he is talking. It's really weird how he does it but however he did it, it worked. He falls for his neighbor and her son. He looks after them until her husband gets out of jail. Gosling's character doesn't try to steal her away either, he just stays around to make sure Carey Mulligan's character and son are ok. Of course all hell breaks loose and Driver gets thrown into the middle of things. He tends to react in EXTREMELY violent ways, which is a switch from the early parts of the movie where he is quiet and the only action you see is him driving getaway cars. DRIVE has this really interesting style that almost makes it feel like it was made in the 80's. Bryan Cranston and Albert Brooks both have amazing co-starring roles that are both memorable. Brooks is just terrifying in it. The second the credits rolled, I wanted to watch this again and again. I've still only seen it once but can't wait until January 30th when I can own it and watch it over and over again!
Worst Movies of the Year: GREEN HORNET, JUST GO WITH IT, DRIVE ANGRY, HANNA, THE WARD, BAD TEACHER, TRANSFORMERS 3, COWBOYS AND ALIENS, DYLAN DOG
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Jay Thomas vs. THE YEAR 2000...and eleven.
I liked this year quite a bit.
The End.
No really, it was a pretty fantastic year for me. I still don't have a license but I didn't try really so I'm ok with that. I learned I have A.D.D or something along those lines. The doctors told me I have a hernia that I'm just going to have to live with. Wow...on second thought...this year was been kind of douchy.
Thanks for being a dick 2011.
On the other hand, I started this blog! Also I'm still employed and my job is better than it last year and I'm still married, so that's a pretty good thing. Things have evened out now for the year 2011. What else can I add to make this year seem better....
I got into the show Battlestar Galactica and also Doctor Who. I love them both. I'd give my right leg for those shows if they asked.(I ain't usin' it!) I also finally watched the show THE WIRE. It's as great as people say. Hard to get into it but once you do holy crap is it good. Along those lines, BREAKING BAD IS AMAZING! The New Girl is also a fantastic new TV show that I kind of love. I also learned that I HATE GLEE. That's new, last year I liked it quite a bit but now it just seems to get worse and worse. Also SMALLVILLE ENDED. BOOOOOOOOOO!
The movies kind of sucked this year. I saw a couple of really great movies like Warrior and Drive. I highly recommend both movies. Drive comes out on DVD/BLU RAY at the end of January, I think it'd be a good idea to watch it. You may not like it but on the other hand you may just love it. Seriously, it will be one of those two options. Warrior is like ROCKY times two. Watch it and enjoy.
I also started a tumblr page. www.thedoublefeaturepictureblog.tumblr.com. It's all about watching two movies at a time. Sexy, right?
DC COMICS relaunched a lot of their main characters. I've kept up with a lot of them and oddly enough, I like AQUAMAN now...WHAT?! Stupid, I know. I'm not kidding, that book is great, so is the JUSTICE LEAGUE. READ THEM! The new GREEN LANTERN is pretty good, too!
Into websites? Check out buzzfeed.com or ecstaticfriday.tumblr.com. Also follow Ellen Barkin on twitter. It is surprisingly hilarious. It's really her and she is crazy.
Need freelance voice work? Well I'll be doing that sooner rather than later. In the mean time might I recommend http://www.heidibakervoice.com/
This sort of turned into "JAY'S FAVORITE THINGS" but I guess that's ok because 2011 was a really great year for me personally so it belongs in a blog for "JAY'S FAVORITE THINGS".
Hope your year was a good one too! Let's hope 2012 follows in the same direction and that the world doesn't end. That would suck!
Catch ya later Bill and Ted!
The End.
No really, it was a pretty fantastic year for me. I still don't have a license but I didn't try really so I'm ok with that. I learned I have A.D.D or something along those lines. The doctors told me I have a hernia that I'm just going to have to live with. Wow...on second thought...this year was been kind of douchy.
Thanks for being a dick 2011.
On the other hand, I started this blog! Also I'm still employed and my job is better than it last year and I'm still married, so that's a pretty good thing. Things have evened out now for the year 2011. What else can I add to make this year seem better....
I got into the show Battlestar Galactica and also Doctor Who. I love them both. I'd give my right leg for those shows if they asked.(I ain't usin' it!) I also finally watched the show THE WIRE. It's as great as people say. Hard to get into it but once you do holy crap is it good. Along those lines, BREAKING BAD IS AMAZING! The New Girl is also a fantastic new TV show that I kind of love. I also learned that I HATE GLEE. That's new, last year I liked it quite a bit but now it just seems to get worse and worse. Also SMALLVILLE ENDED. BOOOOOOOOOO!
The movies kind of sucked this year. I saw a couple of really great movies like Warrior and Drive. I highly recommend both movies. Drive comes out on DVD/BLU RAY at the end of January, I think it'd be a good idea to watch it. You may not like it but on the other hand you may just love it. Seriously, it will be one of those two options. Warrior is like ROCKY times two. Watch it and enjoy.
I also started a tumblr page. www.thedoublefeaturepictureblog.tumblr.com. It's all about watching two movies at a time. Sexy, right?
DC COMICS relaunched a lot of their main characters. I've kept up with a lot of them and oddly enough, I like AQUAMAN now...WHAT?! Stupid, I know. I'm not kidding, that book is great, so is the JUSTICE LEAGUE. READ THEM! The new GREEN LANTERN is pretty good, too!
Into websites? Check out buzzfeed.com or ecstaticfriday.tumblr.com. Also follow Ellen Barkin on twitter. It is surprisingly hilarious. It's really her and she is crazy.
Need freelance voice work? Well I'll be doing that sooner rather than later. In the mean time might I recommend http://www.heidibakervoice.com/
This sort of turned into "JAY'S FAVORITE THINGS" but I guess that's ok because 2011 was a really great year for me personally so it belongs in a blog for "JAY'S FAVORITE THINGS".
Hope your year was a good one too! Let's hope 2012 follows in the same direction and that the world doesn't end. That would suck!
Catch ya later Bill and Ted!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Jay Thomas vs. The Phat Beats at Five
Let me preface this blog by saying something I may have said before--I'm shy. I'm very shy. Odd I realize considering the profession I'm in but never the less, I'm super shy. So shy in fact, I won't even order a pizza over the phone if someone else is in the room with me. I won't yell out windows if I'm in the car and trying to get someone's attention.
Winters in Iowa can be very cold. This year, we(Iowans) have been pretty lucky. That said, it's still colder than the Penguin's lair in Batman Returns!(non nerds--It's a bit chilly) What you have to do is start your vehicle in the morning so it can warm up.
This morning, I woke up, and started the van. As I get into the bathroom to take my morning shower, I hear this loud thumping bass. I think to myself, who is the jackass that is driving SLOWLY through the alley at 4:50am! What an A-Hole, he's going to wake everyone up! As I start the water in the shower, go pee, and strip very sexily( I know, I looked), I notice the sound is still there and the song has now changed.
Then it hits me...IT'S MY VAN HEATING UP! How could this happen?! I don't remember listening to the radio that loud. Wait a minute...we didn't take the van out yesterday BUT Shanna did Saturday night. It would seem that on the way home from a Christmas party she decided to "get down" to SHADE 45 on Sirious/XM. Not sure what that is? Well let me inform you. Shade 45 is EMINEM's radio station. ALL RAP, ALL THE TIME! With all the fun naughty words playing completely unedited 24/7.
My wife, the rebel.
I don't mind listening to Shade 45, I actually like it a lot of the time. At 5 AM, however, I'm not a big fan. Especially since my personality doesn't feel comfortable drawing attention to myself. Now MY van is BLARING SHADE 45 AS LOUD AS THE VAN ALLOWS. All I could do was wait for it to shut off. It's possible I can remote shut off the van but as of this blog, I don't know how to do it.
I felt awful. I guess it could be worse...it could have been the Playboy channel or Martha Stewart. Ew sorry, I forgot the rule...never put Playboy and Martha Stewart in the same sentence. It will never happen again.
Winters in Iowa can be very cold. This year, we(Iowans) have been pretty lucky. That said, it's still colder than the Penguin's lair in Batman Returns!(non nerds--It's a bit chilly) What you have to do is start your vehicle in the morning so it can warm up.
This morning, I woke up, and started the van. As I get into the bathroom to take my morning shower, I hear this loud thumping bass. I think to myself, who is the jackass that is driving SLOWLY through the alley at 4:50am! What an A-Hole, he's going to wake everyone up! As I start the water in the shower, go pee, and strip very sexily( I know, I looked), I notice the sound is still there and the song has now changed.
Then it hits me...IT'S MY VAN HEATING UP! How could this happen?! I don't remember listening to the radio that loud. Wait a minute...we didn't take the van out yesterday BUT Shanna did Saturday night. It would seem that on the way home from a Christmas party she decided to "get down" to SHADE 45 on Sirious/XM. Not sure what that is? Well let me inform you. Shade 45 is EMINEM's radio station. ALL RAP, ALL THE TIME! With all the fun naughty words playing completely unedited 24/7.
My wife, the rebel.
I don't mind listening to Shade 45, I actually like it a lot of the time. At 5 AM, however, I'm not a big fan. Especially since my personality doesn't feel comfortable drawing attention to myself. Now MY van is BLARING SHADE 45 AS LOUD AS THE VAN ALLOWS. All I could do was wait for it to shut off. It's possible I can remote shut off the van but as of this blog, I don't know how to do it.
I felt awful. I guess it could be worse...it could have been the Playboy channel or Martha Stewart. Ew sorry, I forgot the rule...never put Playboy and Martha Stewart in the same sentence. It will never happen again.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Jay Thomas vs. The Funny Thing That Happened on the Way Out of the Bathroom.
Our tale really begins a couple of weeks ago. For some odd reason I said to someone, "I haven't fallen out of my chair in a long time!" Karma, you are a funny little B-word aintcha!
For a while now I've had these weird tippy moments in my old wheelchair. I still use it at home when I need to go into the bedroom or bathroom because my new chair(well new since summer) doesn't fit through the doorway into that part of the house. I keep imagining me tipping in the bathroom and hitting my head cause my untimely death. Weird, I know. Most guys just think of boobs.(side note: That is usually what follows the death thought. GIGGITY GIGGITY)
Last night, I'm sitting in the living room watching tv. Then that sudden feeling happens..."I GOTTA TINKLE!" So I get up and head to the bathroom. I notice that it's a little harder to get into the bathroom for some reason. I have to push just a little harder to get through. Do I question this? Nope, gotta urinate.
After I'm done(it felt great, thanks for asking!) I head to the sink to wash my hands. This not new to me, but I don't ALWAYS do it. Why? That's my business. WELL actually I just always have dirty hands because of my wheels so I figure, what's the point. Not terribly hygienic I realize.
When I get done washing my hands I put my phone to my side and it feels strange. Kind of like my phone was turned sideways. Then as I'm wheeling my wheel feels a bit wobbly. That's odd, I think to myself. Right when I make my exit out of the bathroom I feel a pretty large jolt, followed by me slowly falling over....MY WHEEL JUST FELL OFF.
"oh sh.." I think and probably say out loud. I slam my arms to the walls and hold myself up. "SHANNA," I yell! "SHANNA!" "what?" She asked calmly. "GET IN HERE!" "Why?" "WHY?! GET THE FUDGE(may not have said that, exactly) IN HERE!" "WHY?!" "I NEED YOU...NOW!" "What do you need?"
Before it went this far I probably should have said right away something like, "honey, my chair is falling apart and I'm slowing falling down." For some reason that doesn't really cross my mind. "HELP I'M FALLING! I THINK MY CHAIR JUST BROKE!"
Shanna comes in..."Oh--ooook" "what should I do" "HELP!" "HOW!" "Um..." I think, "Tip me back slowly and I'll just fall out."
My plan worked. I still don't know what exactly happened other than my wheel just fell off. I couldn't find any wheels broken or parts missing, it just fell off. Part of me thinks my weight MAY have played at least a small part. I'm thinking the part that connects the wheel to the chair slightly moved from me getting in and out over the years.
It was a very strange night. I "fixed" the chair with a hammer for the time being. I felt manly. That faded.
OH and the whole time, I wasn't wearing pants...good night!
For a while now I've had these weird tippy moments in my old wheelchair. I still use it at home when I need to go into the bedroom or bathroom because my new chair(well new since summer) doesn't fit through the doorway into that part of the house. I keep imagining me tipping in the bathroom and hitting my head cause my untimely death. Weird, I know. Most guys just think of boobs.(side note: That is usually what follows the death thought. GIGGITY GIGGITY)
Last night, I'm sitting in the living room watching tv. Then that sudden feeling happens..."I GOTTA TINKLE!" So I get up and head to the bathroom. I notice that it's a little harder to get into the bathroom for some reason. I have to push just a little harder to get through. Do I question this? Nope, gotta urinate.
After I'm done(it felt great, thanks for asking!) I head to the sink to wash my hands. This not new to me, but I don't ALWAYS do it. Why? That's my business. WELL actually I just always have dirty hands because of my wheels so I figure, what's the point. Not terribly hygienic I realize.
When I get done washing my hands I put my phone to my side and it feels strange. Kind of like my phone was turned sideways. Then as I'm wheeling my wheel feels a bit wobbly. That's odd, I think to myself. Right when I make my exit out of the bathroom I feel a pretty large jolt, followed by me slowly falling over....MY WHEEL JUST FELL OFF.
"oh sh.." I think and probably say out loud. I slam my arms to the walls and hold myself up. "SHANNA," I yell! "SHANNA!" "what?" She asked calmly. "GET IN HERE!" "Why?" "WHY?! GET THE FUDGE(may not have said that, exactly) IN HERE!" "WHY?!" "I NEED YOU...NOW!" "What do you need?"
Before it went this far I probably should have said right away something like, "honey, my chair is falling apart and I'm slowing falling down." For some reason that doesn't really cross my mind. "HELP I'M FALLING! I THINK MY CHAIR JUST BROKE!"
Shanna comes in..."Oh--ooook" "what should I do" "HELP!" "HOW!" "Um..." I think, "Tip me back slowly and I'll just fall out."
My plan worked. I still don't know what exactly happened other than my wheel just fell off. I couldn't find any wheels broken or parts missing, it just fell off. Part of me thinks my weight MAY have played at least a small part. I'm thinking the part that connects the wheel to the chair slightly moved from me getting in and out over the years.
It was a very strange night. I "fixed" the chair with a hammer for the time being. I felt manly. That faded.
OH and the whole time, I wasn't wearing pants...good night!
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