Jay Thomas vs. Jay Thomas?

I got a call from my doctor today and he told me that after speaking with another surgeon, surgery isn't the best option.  That means I will not be having surgery anytime soon!

But wait, what about the hernia?

Well it gets to stay and I live around it.  How do I do that?  Well I'm very glad you've asked, because I have the answer!  Before I left Rochester earlier this week they told me to take Miralax.  I'll let you figure out what that does.  Here is a clue, it'll keep room in my fat belly.  Still not getting it?  Maybe this will help.

There you go(literally!)

The doctor also said that I need to lose weight.  Not sure how that is going to happen but I'm going to try.  Eat better I guess, exer..ex...I can't even say that second part but I guess I'll give it a whirl.  I have to, otherwise I'll have to have a surgery that would keep me out of action for a while.  Action? Yeah action.  Why am I arguing with myself?  Probably because I'm tired.  Aw crap I'm in an endless loop of blogging to myself!

For real though, I'm super lazy!  Not sure exactly how I'll get on this and stick to it.  I'll have to make myself a workout playlist that consists of music from Rocky, Karate Kid, and The Last Dragon....I'll be slim(let's be honest, less fat.) in no time!

This is what I'm bloggin' about!


This hernia doesn't stand a chance.

Jay Thomas vs. Going Home?

I am back from my super long medical trip. By super long I mean my surprisingly short 24 hour trip. Without a surgery to boot! So am I cured?

Short answer--Nope.

I got up to Rochester and they took my blood from me, bastards. Then I met with a new doctor, a grown up doctor. He seemed nice. Also didn't want to operate on me because he thought it could cause more issues than it would cause good. Also because he wasn't real sure what was going on with my plumbing. Too bad Mario wasn't there to help.

At one point as he was looking at my CT scan he actually said, "I'm not sure what's going on here." Not because I was so diseased up but honestly my insides are rewired and a little goofy looking if you don't have prior knowledge. I've seen those kind of scans a thousand times and I have no clue what's going on.

He suggested that I see one of my old surgeons. So that's just what I did. He told me kind of the same thing but was more open for surgery but he can't do it alone. He is getting a group of people that specialize in hernia's of this kind.  Sort of like an...A-TEAM!

So what now? Well, I wait. Not sure how long. I'm thinking sooner rather than later though.  In the mean time--

To Be Continued...

Jay Thomas vs. Going Under (The Knife!)

Since 1982 I've had countless surgeries. More than I can even remember. My last surgery was my freshman year of high school. That was almost 15 years ago. (holy crap) On Tuesday that 15 year streak of no surgeries comes to an end.

In a way this is a follow up to my blog about talking to the crazy lady at the hospital. I got the results back from my CT scan and as the doctor predicted, I have a hernia. This requires surgery to fix so it's off to Rochester Minnesota, my home away from home.

For the first time I'm not being seen by my pediatric doctors. I'm surprised because last time I saw them for a check up was only five years ago. It was strange being in the waiting room with a bunch of kids but mentally I'm right with 'em. I'm fine with it though, it's time to move on. I'm a unique case to say the least so the doctors held on for quite a while.

I'm not sure how long I'll be at Mayo. With any luck it will only be a couple of days. I've done this stuff before so I'm not worried. I'm sure the pain AFTER surgery will suck but I'll deal with it like I always do. Besides, chicks dig scars, right?

As Desmond Hume from LOST would say, "See you in another life, brotha."

I know this picture won't be accurate but a dude can dream, can't he?!

Jay Thomas vs. The Summer of 2011

If you haven't been able to tell by now, I love movies.  I think they are super spectacular.  I usually watch one every couple of days---if not more.  Last Tuesday for example I watched two movies; Super and Your Highness.  I went to a lot of movies this past summer at the movie theater.  Here are my TOP 5 movies of the SUMMER OF 2011:


1. Captain America: The First Avenger. 

I loved this movie, it was just a ton of fun from beginning to end.  I've never been a huge Captain America comic book reader but always liked the character.  Similar to SUPERMAN(my favorite) in character and ideals.  The movie worked all across the board.  I did think it dragged a bit in the middle but I got over it pretty quick.



2. Rise of the Planets of The Apes.

This would have been number one hands down if the human performances were any damn good but they were not.  James Franco was channeling his soap skills in this one unfortunately BUT all is washed away when you get into the story of CAESAR the ape.  His arc as a character is one of the best I've seen in a long time.  The effects are more than top notch, I loved everything not James Franco in this movie!  It was the only movie I saw this summer twice.




3. Bridesmaids.

Bridesmaids had me laughing the entire length of the movie.  HILARIOUS doesn't begin to cover it.  Some jokes felt like SNL skits on the big screen but they still made me laugh.  I really enjoyed Kristen Wiig and I usually don't on SNL.  She was outstanding in Bridesmaids.  Oh and it is NOT The Hangover for girls, I hate that comparison.  No one has beards in this...come on.



4. X-Men: The First Class.

 I honestly wasn't sure if the X-Men franchise could rebound after the terrible X-Men: The Last Stand or the somehow even worse X-Men Origins: Wolverine.  They did it in a big way with X-MEN: FIRST CLASS.  This tells the origins of Erik and Charles or Magneto and Professor X.  Friends who become enemies.  Michael Fassbender as Magneto is so much fun to watch in every scene. I could do with out a majority of the other mutants though, they were the worst part and the fact that they are sticking to cannon established in the previous movies.  I loved the 1960's setting, it made it different and set apart from other superhero movies.



5. Fast Five.

I honestly was torn on number 5 on the list.  Thor vs. Fast Five vs. Super 8.  I actually saw Fast Five and THOR on the same day and I have to say Fast Five had me rooting for it a bit more.  It really is a fun summer movie that is complete guilty pleasure fun.  I have to admit the whole Fast franchise has a special place in my heart for some reason, I love almost all of them.(part 2 is really bad)  From beginning to end this was a fun popcorn movie that I'm sure I'll watch many times over and I can't lie to you, I'm excited for the next one.  The Rock vs Vin Diesel part II.  Their fight was awesome.






Honorable Mentions:

SUPER 8. 
I really did enjoy a LOT of this movie BUT it fell flat towards the end and the metaphors were extremely forced and not subtle at all.  I loved the kids, I loved the overall idea but it just didn't have what the others seemed too.

THOR. 
SO CLOSE to making the cut but I've never been a huge fan of THOR and half the time I forget that I saw it.  It was extremely entertaining while I was watching it and I'm sure down the road I'll own it but there were far better movies out this summer.

Green Lantern. 
Another superhero movie I really did enjoy while I was watching it but again, kind of forget I saw it.  I don't think it was anywhere near as bad as think.  It's not Van Wilder in tights.  It's Van Wilder in a CG body, duh.

My least favorites of the summer:

Bad Teacher-
Funny in parts but very few parts.  Very unlikeable characters and not redeemable at all.


Transformers III-
I have disliked every Transformers movie and this one was no exception.  Better than the second but still a turd sandwich.


The Hangover II-
I wouldn't call this bad but it was ultimately forgettable.  I really remember very little about this movie.  I remember laughing a lot but I have no clue what I was laughing at.


Cowboys and Aliens-
I really liked Daniel Craig in this but that is really about it.  As time as gone on I realized I liked it less than I thought.  It was really boring.  I did slightly like the alien in this better than the alien in Super 8.

Jay Thomas Vs Bruce

I was on Facebook a little bit ago and creeping on some friends I haven't seen for a while. Seen meaning communicating via Facebook. I found a picture that I wanted to comment on and began typing away. In this picture I make a reference to my niece. As I'm spelling the word niece I do the common mistake of forgetting I before E except after C.

At this point, I have spelled the word neice. My phone highlights it and suggests that I change it to..."BRUCE". Now I've had some odd auto corrects before but this was a simple mistake of switching two letters around. What are the odds the I meant BRUCE?! The word before Bruce/niece was "MY". My Bruce? That's what you think makes sense auto correct?!

I'm a little concerned that my phone is drunk or at the very least went to public school.

Jay Thomas VS The STRANGEr

One thing I've come to know over the years is that I hate stop and chats.  you know, when you see someone you know and are more or less forced to talk with.  But you know what's worse?  When you don't know the person and you are stuck in a hallway with an IV in your arm and a complete stranger starts talking to you.

Earlier today I had to go to the hospital to get a CT Scan to check out my insides.  The tech guy asked if I had any kidney problems.  I replied, "No.  But I only have one...is that going to be an issue?"  He looked at me with this blank stare that had a slight hint of "uuuuuggghhh, come on!"  He didn't say that luckily but I could see it in his eyes.  He said I needed a blood test first to find out if the ole kidney could handle the stuff they were going to pump in me.

After he stole my blood the guy took me into the hallway while we waited for the results to come back.  I sat there for a second, not being able to fulling bend my left arm, and decided to get my phone...facebook and twitter it up.  Right when I turn my phone on a lady from the other room pops her head out to say hello.  I said hi and smiled.  She made some simple joke about the guy just dropping me off in the hallway.  I pity laughed and looked at my phone.  She walked away.....and came back to keep me company. Crap taco.

She stood in the door way with a giant cup of something.  She started talking to me about my job and how she can't talk in front of people.  Really? Could have fooled me!  She was nice but really chatty.  At some point, and I'm not even sure how this happened, but she started talking about how her power went out once and it shorted out her refrigerator.  When she opened the freezer it smelled like roadkill and it cost her almost 400 dollars.  I said, "Jeez...wow....oh man...that...sucks."

As she talked I started listening to her voice and I noticed she was slurring almost every word that was coming out of her mouth.  Then I started to think, "Maybe she had a stroke." or "Maybe that's liquor in that giant cup!"  That had to be it!  I tried to control the look on my face and pretend I was listening but I was obsessed with this idea that this woman was hammered harder than the frost giants in THOR.(sorry nerd slip)

After what seemed to be an eternity she said the words that will haunt me for at least 14 more minutes, "well I should get back to work..." 

The End.

Jay Thomas Vs The funniest Joke I've ever made up

As my wife Shanna and I were driving to dinner tonight we drove by one of the three subway locations in town.  I looked over and said...are you ready for this....

"Hey Subway, what's for dinner tonight?  Sandwiches?"

The End.

Jay Thomas VS. The Curse of the Blaker Vacation

In my last blog I talked about the beginning of the 2nd BLAKER VACATION(a vacation that happens when my wife and I travel with our friends the Bakers).  Well now for the rest of it.  Did the Blaker curse show up again?  You betcha!

After our more than rough start getting to Baltimore or more specifically Ellicot City, we arrived a little after noon on Friday, July 29th.  Dylan met us at the airport and took us to grab lunch at a place that has a lot of noodle dishes.  I think it was called Noodle shop or Noodle Factory or something along those lines.  I got the same noodle dish Dylan got because it sounded good.  I got mine with Shrimp.  When we got to Heidi and Dylan's appartment we all sat down and ate.  I noticed my mouth was starting to hurt a bit and I was sweating.  I forgot Dylan likes really HOT food, me? Not so much.  That mixed with Heidi having the air set at 80 degrees explained the sweating.  Really?  80?  Trying to thaw an iceman?

 We hung around the house and watched Breaking Bad that first night.  Amazing show BTW.  I was hooked almost instantly.  Well not instantly, at first I was more concerned about the burning in my mouth but once that subsided I was all in for Breaking Bad.

Saturday we hung out at the harbor of in Baltimore and it was a lot of fun.  There was anime/comic book convention somewhere near by, this was evident by all the people in costumes.  They were very strange but fun.  Captain America was also there.  Did I mention I was wearing my Captain America shirt?  I ducked out of his sight as fast as I could.  My shirt mixed with the chair was like a magnet.  Luckily I escaped.

The rest of the vacation consisted of us hanging out, watching Breaking Bad and eating.  We ate at a place called the Crab Shanty.  It was fantastic.  Most importantly hanging out with two of my best friends was a lot of fun and relaxing.
 

I look like I'm about to be shot by a guy from HALO.

On the last day things got interesting again.  The apartment complex that the Bakers lived in was being cleaned so there was a working hosing down the windows and porches right outside.  I told Heidi I was going to just watch the guy when he cleaned her porch.  She got nervous and begged me not to do it.  Then when the ladder hit the porch I got really excited...until the guy actually came up. I felt awkward and decided not to look at the man.  We just tried to watch Breaking Bad while he loudly hosed the sliding glass door RIGHT BEHIND ME.  I got really creeped out.  That said, he did a nice job.



We said our goodbyes and headed to the airport.  Next stop home....or was it?!

Mother nature, being the very nice lady she is decided to wait until we were already on the plane to make a THUNDERSTORM DELAYING OUR FLIGHT FOR OVER AN HOUR THUS MAKING US MISS OUR CONNECTING FLIGHT IN MEMPHIS.  REAL NEAT MOTHER NATURE!

When the plane arrived in Memphis we noticed that my chair looked a little different.  Aw shucks, the right foot rest was missing.  That's neat.  Super cool.  Terrific.  They lost it, so I just dangled for the night.  Thanks Delta.  Appreciate it.  The airline couldn't put us on a new flight until the next day so we had to stay at a Comfort Inn.  They teased us too, the guy that drove our shuttle van kept referencing the Marriot and even drove up to it, only to keep driving past some menacing looking trees right to the Comfort Inn.

Ok it wasn't this bad.

Then on Tuesday we got on our flight from Memphis to Des Moines.  Pretty uneventful flight(The way I like it) except for our flight attendant who was CLEARLY hungover and couldn't fully remember her whole seatbelt/exits/condescending bs schpeel.

I mean really?  A two year old could figure this out.

It was a good vacation despite the Blaker Vacation Curse showing up at the beginning and end of the trip.  Before we got in the house on Tuesday afternoon, Heidi called and started talking about ideas for a third Blaker Vacation....possibly to Vegas or Hawaii.  The Blaker Vacation III?

A Hawaiian vacation didn't work so well for the Brady's, how could it work for us?!

EPILOGUE:

Delta Airlines called me on Friday afternoon and told me they found my foot rest and they were sending it to me.  How they lost it for 4 days, I have no idea, but it's on the way home.