Jay Thomas Vs The Crab Cake Bit

Ever since I was a kid I've always wondered if when people saw me, they automatically thought that on top of my obvious physical disabilities I was also a bit mentally challenged.  I know that sounds crazy but when I see people in wheelchairs I wonder, "hmm, I wonder if they are a little, 'Corky-ish'..." (If you don't get that, it is a reference to the 1980's and 90's family drama "Life Goes On" featuring Corky, a mentally challenged teen.) 

I try my best to show that I'm not, but sometimes...this happens.

This one Saturday I decided to go on a trip to the comic book store in Ames with a couple of friends.  Also on this particular day while shaving, I decided to leave a handlebar mustache on my face. This may seem trivial but it adds fuel to a burning fire later.

After we pick up our must have books we decided all this nerding around Ames, Iowa was making us hungry.  My friend Toad(birth name) thought it would be a good idea to go to this Irish pub type place.  I can't remember the name(great storyteller eh comrades?).

Our waitress isn't exactly what you would call ugly let's say.  "Sweet handlebar," she said with a flirty smirk.(you got me, that never happened.)  My guess is she was actually thinking, "I wonder if I should bring him crayons..." 

As I sit and go through the menu I flip to the seafood section.  I always do this at restaurants because I love seafood.  Even crappy(not the fish) Irish pub/sports bar type of seafood.  I also notice that the font is pretty cool looking(I used to be in graphic design) but also hard to read.  There is an item called a Crab cake BIT.  HMMM I've never had a crab cake before, I'll try this.

The waitress comes back and takes our order.  First Tre(nickname), then Toad, and finally me.  "What'll you have" she asked.  "I'll have the..." I pretend I'm still looking, you know, keepin' it cool.  "I'll have the crab cake bit?" I say with no shred of confidence.  She pauses for a second.  In this second she looks at me, I notice her eyes lock on to the patchy sad excuse for a handlebar mustache. She smiles and says, "No problem!"  She takes my menu and we get back to whatever nerd filled conversation we were having.

A short time later the waitress returns and brings us our food.  I look down and see more than I was expecting.  "Why the F*** is there Tomato and Bacon on this Crab Cake Bit?!" I wonder out loud.  Tre and Toad look at each other and then me.  One of them asked me what I had ordered and I said a crab cake bit.  "What the hell is a crab cake bit?"  "I don't know, I just ordered, I got nervous!" I proclaimed.  Then this question is asked...."Sure it wasn't a Crab Cake B-L-T?" 

Damn it.

I've now come to realize that yes in fact it did say BLT and not BIT.  Why would it say BIT you ask?  It wouldn't.  A Crab Cake BIT does not exist.  A Crab Cake BLT however does exist and it is delicious.

We all suffer from dumbassatoma once in a while....some more often than others.  I blame the mustache.

Crab Cake BIT 1
Jay Thomas 0

EPILOGUE:
I've never grown a handlebar mustache again.