Well the vacation started at 2:30. On the road to Des Moines we were called by our friend Heidi and she informed us that our flight has been delayed. This means that our connecting flight in Minneapolis to Baltimore wouldn't happen. So we got another flight to Atlanta that connects to Baltimore.
We made it to the gate with just enough time to tinkle! Who cares that we wouldn't get to Baltimore until 12:30am. Wait...what's that lady at the gate? The flight got cancelled? Noooooooo, that couldn't happen, not on a Blaker Vacation!
The airport got us a hotel room and told us the shuttle would come get us...except it's not wheelchair accessible. Neat. Real cool.
Now we are in a hotel waiting for Big Brother and a pizza. Last year we couldn't get the stupid vacation to end due to transportation malfunctions, this year we can't get it to frakkin start!
Also my alarm is now set for 3:30 so we can be at the airport by 4:30. Vacationing it up!
Writing this on my iPhone is challenging.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Jay Thomas Vs Clark W. Griswald
I love the National Lampoon Vacation movies. They are great.(1,3,4, European can get out.) I am however starting to think I'm becoming Chevy Chase's lead character Clark W. Griswald. Why? Because I keep putting myself in potentially awkward vacations. I like to call them Blaker vacations.
A Blaker vacation is what happens when Jay and Shanna Black decide to vacation with Dylan and Heidi Baker...take the BLA of Black and the KER of baKER and BOOM BLAKER.
Last year we had the first ever BLAKER Vacation or a BLAKATION to CHICAGO. Oddly enough, where the Griswald family is from. We all loved Chicago and thought it would be fun to travel together. The trip started simple enough, a fun 6 hour road trip to the windy city. Our plan was to see the sights, catch a few movies and for sure have some painfully awkward moments thanks to yours truly and Heidi Baker. Probably more her than me.
The first night we ate at a pretty nice sushi place and went to the movie INCEPTION. Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. First we got stuck trying to go into a parking garage..this is where things went the way of a griswald vacation.
I used to have a van that when the hydraulics were too low it would scrape the road. This as you could imagine can cause a lot of problems. My new van has NEVER had this problem. As we sat there stuck, Dylan put it in reverse and scccrrrrrraaaaaaaaapppppeeeee went the bottom of the van. My first thought was, "Hmmm that's odd. Hope that's not what I think it is..." Across the street from the parking garage we found a parking lot. Went in and as I got out of the van I turned around to see the van look like it was maybe 5 inches off the ground. @#*(! I thought. I put my optimistic blinders on and went to the movie with my best friends.
After the movie was over the plan was to go back to the hotel....across town, no problem, except that the van was hopping up and down like a low rider. The highway would have been dangerous so we decided to take the normal city streets. It was close to midnight and "going through the city" meant going through the most dangerous section of Chicago. This was becoming clear with every new building....liquor store...popeyes chicken....white castle....bullet holes....bars....more bullet holes. The whole time we are driving the back seat is jumping UP AND DOWN, UP AND DOWN and the girls were laughing hysterically, I was getting nervous and I'm pretty sure Dylan was too, but he was keeping it cool for all of us.
Eventually we made it through the killing streets and safe and sound back to the hotel. It was a nice place but a feeling of dread was kind of taking over. The next day the van was taken to a auto shop that specialized in converted vans, our first bit of luck(ish) but was it too late?? Was our vacation over?!
Now the BLAKERS were without a vehicle. What to do?? There was a movie theater close by...right through the parking garage. PERFECT! Let's go see Despicable Me! We'll just cut through the parking garage, that'll be easy. For a school teacher, a scientist, and a couple of DJ's...we are idiots. I was pretty sure we were all going to be raped in that parking garage. We had to go up a level, down a level, up three more levels, then left three levels...it was a maze. We got through...luckily and saw a pretty fun kids movie. Then we had to cut through the garage again....in the dark...awesome. Again we made it just in time to cross a busy Chicago street on a Saturday night and almost get run over. We were like a live action Frogger game.
We had no way to get home except to take a rental car. Dylan and Heidi HAD to get back on that Monday for work or Heidi would be fired. The rental place didn't have a handicapped accessible vehicle so that meant that Heidi and Dylan would have to leave us behind....THUS ENDING THE first ever BLAKER VACATION EARLY....
Oh and one point, Shanna cut her foot and Heidi almost(or did) crack a tooth. Super time guys! We can laugh about it now and Dylan did help us to get into a nice hotel after they left us. Alone. In a big city. Alone.
Shanna and I had a whole new adventure being stranded in Chicago and then in Elgin Illinois. But that's for another blog, this is about becoming Clark Griswald. I realize that this was only one vacation with the Bakers, why would I think this could become a tradition? Because Thursday Shanna and I fly out to Ellicott City, Maryland for....
THE BLAKER VACATION 2: The Search for McNulty's Gold.
One of our plans- Take a tour of the locations filmed in the HBO series THE WIRE. A series about the drug and gang scene in Baltimore, feature ACTUAL LOCATIONS. Seriously what is wrong with us? This has disaster written all over it. CAN'T WAIT!
A Blaker vacation is what happens when Jay and Shanna Black decide to vacation with Dylan and Heidi Baker...take the BLA of Black and the KER of baKER and BOOM BLAKER.
The first night we ate at a pretty nice sushi place and went to the movie INCEPTION. Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. First we got stuck trying to go into a parking garage..this is where things went the way of a griswald vacation.
I used to have a van that when the hydraulics were too low it would scrape the road. This as you could imagine can cause a lot of problems. My new van has NEVER had this problem. As we sat there stuck, Dylan put it in reverse and scccrrrrrraaaaaaaaapppppeeeee went the bottom of the van. My first thought was, "Hmmm that's odd. Hope that's not what I think it is..." Across the street from the parking garage we found a parking lot. Went in and as I got out of the van I turned around to see the van look like it was maybe 5 inches off the ground. @#*(! I thought. I put my optimistic blinders on and went to the movie with my best friends.
After the movie was over the plan was to go back to the hotel....across town, no problem, except that the van was hopping up and down like a low rider. The highway would have been dangerous so we decided to take the normal city streets. It was close to midnight and "going through the city" meant going through the most dangerous section of Chicago. This was becoming clear with every new building....liquor store...popeyes chicken....white castle....bullet holes....bars....more bullet holes. The whole time we are driving the back seat is jumping UP AND DOWN, UP AND DOWN and the girls were laughing hysterically, I was getting nervous and I'm pretty sure Dylan was too, but he was keeping it cool for all of us.
Eventually we made it through the killing streets and safe and sound back to the hotel. It was a nice place but a feeling of dread was kind of taking over. The next day the van was taken to a auto shop that specialized in converted vans, our first bit of luck(ish) but was it too late?? Was our vacation over?!
Now the BLAKERS were without a vehicle. What to do?? There was a movie theater close by...right through the parking garage. PERFECT! Let's go see Despicable Me! We'll just cut through the parking garage, that'll be easy. For a school teacher, a scientist, and a couple of DJ's...we are idiots. I was pretty sure we were all going to be raped in that parking garage. We had to go up a level, down a level, up three more levels, then left three levels...it was a maze. We got through...luckily and saw a pretty fun kids movie. Then we had to cut through the garage again....in the dark...awesome. Again we made it just in time to cross a busy Chicago street on a Saturday night and almost get run over. We were like a live action Frogger game.
We had no way to get home except to take a rental car. Dylan and Heidi HAD to get back on that Monday for work or Heidi would be fired. The rental place didn't have a handicapped accessible vehicle so that meant that Heidi and Dylan would have to leave us behind....THUS ENDING THE first ever BLAKER VACATION EARLY....
Oh and one point, Shanna cut her foot and Heidi almost(or did) crack a tooth. Super time guys! We can laugh about it now and Dylan did help us to get into a nice hotel after they left us. Alone. In a big city. Alone.
Shanna and I had a whole new adventure being stranded in Chicago and then in Elgin Illinois. But that's for another blog, this is about becoming Clark Griswald. I realize that this was only one vacation with the Bakers, why would I think this could become a tradition? Because Thursday Shanna and I fly out to Ellicott City, Maryland for....
THE BLAKER VACATION 2: The Search for McNulty's Gold.
One of our plans- Take a tour of the locations filmed in the HBO series THE WIRE. A series about the drug and gang scene in Baltimore, feature ACTUAL LOCATIONS. Seriously what is wrong with us? This has disaster written all over it. CAN'T WAIT!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Jay Thomas VS The Lamest Saturday Morning Ever.
I used to LOVE Saturday mornings. I'd get up and watch cartoons like The Flintstone Kids, Transformers, He-Man, X-Men or watch a show called Saved By The Bell. I loved Saturdays because I wasn't in school and the daycare kids weren't at my house, it was great!
Then I got a little older and I would wake up and instantly watch a movie. SCREAM or one of the A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET films were always favorites. I'm not kidding, I would wake up...go potty...and start watching a movie.
These days are similar usually. I love Saturday mornings because I know I do not have to get up at 4:48am and get to work by 5:30. I'll sleep in until maybe 8 and then get up and watch TV. USUALLY that is the plan...yesterday was not like those days.
I woke up at about 8:30 which is pretty standard. I went to the bathroom and went into the other room. My nose was running about as much as my eyes were, meaning I'm about 90 percent sure my cats or dog had been sleeping on my pillow thus leaving a ton of hair on it. That always leaves me a bit runny. I went into the kitchen...no food...just a lot of dishes. I've been a little behind, so I start rinsing. Once all of the dishes are in the dish washer....I GO BACK TO BED AND SLEEP UNTIL I HAVE TO WORK A LIVE EVENT.
SERIOUSLY?! I get up on a always precious to me SATURDAY MORNING just to wash the dishes! My younger self would most certainly kick my butt cheeks!(well..punch at least.)
Being grown up is stupid.
Then I got a little older and I would wake up and instantly watch a movie. SCREAM or one of the A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET films were always favorites. I'm not kidding, I would wake up...go potty...and start watching a movie.
These days are similar usually. I love Saturday mornings because I know I do not have to get up at 4:48am and get to work by 5:30. I'll sleep in until maybe 8 and then get up and watch TV. USUALLY that is the plan...yesterday was not like those days.
I woke up at about 8:30 which is pretty standard. I went to the bathroom and went into the other room. My nose was running about as much as my eyes were, meaning I'm about 90 percent sure my cats or dog had been sleeping on my pillow thus leaving a ton of hair on it. That always leaves me a bit runny. I went into the kitchen...no food...just a lot of dishes. I've been a little behind, so I start rinsing. Once all of the dishes are in the dish washer....I GO BACK TO BED AND SLEEP UNTIL I HAVE TO WORK A LIVE EVENT.
SERIOUSLY?! I get up on a always precious to me SATURDAY MORNING just to wash the dishes! My younger self would most certainly kick my butt cheeks!(well..punch at least.)
Being grown up is stupid.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Jay Thomas Vs The Crab Cake Bit
Ever since I was a kid I've always wondered if when people saw me, they automatically thought that on top of my obvious physical disabilities I was also a bit mentally challenged. I know that sounds crazy but when I see people in wheelchairs I wonder, "hmm, I wonder if they are a little, 'Corky-ish'..." (If you don't get that, it is a reference to the 1980's and 90's family drama "Life Goes On" featuring Corky, a mentally challenged teen.)
I try my best to show that I'm not, but sometimes...this happens.
This one Saturday I decided to go on a trip to the comic book store in Ames with a couple of friends. Also on this particular day while shaving, I decided to leave a handlebar mustache on my face. This may seem trivial but it adds fuel to a burning fire later.
After we pick up our must have books we decided all this nerding around Ames, Iowa was making us hungry. My friend Toad(birth name) thought it would be a good idea to go to this Irish pub type place. I can't remember the name(great storyteller eh comrades?).
Our waitress isn't exactly what you would call ugly let's say. "Sweet handlebar," she said with a flirty smirk.(you got me, that never happened.) My guess is she was actually thinking, "I wonder if I should bring him crayons..."
As I sit and go through the menu I flip to the seafood section. I always do this at restaurants because I love seafood. Even crappy(not the fish) Irish pub/sports bar type of seafood. I also notice that the font is pretty cool looking(I used to be in graphic design) but also hard to read. There is an item called a Crab cake BIT. HMMM I've never had a crab cake before, I'll try this.
The waitress comes back and takes our order. First Tre(nickname), then Toad, and finally me. "What'll you have" she asked. "I'll have the..." I pretend I'm still looking, you know, keepin' it cool. "I'll have the crab cake bit?" I say with no shred of confidence. She pauses for a second. In this second she looks at me, I notice her eyes lock on to the patchy sad excuse for a handlebar mustache. She smiles and says, "No problem!" She takes my menu and we get back to whatever nerd filled conversation we were having.
A short time later the waitress returns and brings us our food. I look down and see more than I was expecting. "Why the F*** is there Tomato and Bacon on this Crab Cake Bit?!" I wonder out loud. Tre and Toad look at each other and then me. One of them asked me what I had ordered and I said a crab cake bit. "What the hell is a crab cake bit?" "I don't know, I just ordered, I got nervous!" I proclaimed. Then this question is asked...."Sure it wasn't a Crab Cake B-L-T?"
Damn it.
I've now come to realize that yes in fact it did say BLT and not BIT. Why would it say BIT you ask? It wouldn't. A Crab Cake BIT does not exist. A Crab Cake BLT however does exist and it is delicious.
We all suffer from dumbassatoma once in a while....some more often than others. I blame the mustache.
Crab Cake BIT 1
Jay Thomas 0
EPILOGUE:
I've never grown a handlebar mustache again.
I try my best to show that I'm not, but sometimes...this happens.
This one Saturday I decided to go on a trip to the comic book store in Ames with a couple of friends. Also on this particular day while shaving, I decided to leave a handlebar mustache on my face. This may seem trivial but it adds fuel to a burning fire later.
After we pick up our must have books we decided all this nerding around Ames, Iowa was making us hungry. My friend Toad(birth name) thought it would be a good idea to go to this Irish pub type place. I can't remember the name(great storyteller eh comrades?).
Our waitress isn't exactly what you would call ugly let's say. "Sweet handlebar," she said with a flirty smirk.(you got me, that never happened.) My guess is she was actually thinking, "I wonder if I should bring him crayons..."
As I sit and go through the menu I flip to the seafood section. I always do this at restaurants because I love seafood. Even crappy(not the fish) Irish pub/sports bar type of seafood. I also notice that the font is pretty cool looking(I used to be in graphic design) but also hard to read. There is an item called a Crab cake BIT. HMMM I've never had a crab cake before, I'll try this.
The waitress comes back and takes our order. First Tre(nickname), then Toad, and finally me. "What'll you have" she asked. "I'll have the..." I pretend I'm still looking, you know, keepin' it cool. "I'll have the crab cake bit?" I say with no shred of confidence. She pauses for a second. In this second she looks at me, I notice her eyes lock on to the patchy sad excuse for a handlebar mustache. She smiles and says, "No problem!" She takes my menu and we get back to whatever nerd filled conversation we were having.
A short time later the waitress returns and brings us our food. I look down and see more than I was expecting. "Why the F*** is there Tomato and Bacon on this Crab Cake Bit?!" I wonder out loud. Tre and Toad look at each other and then me. One of them asked me what I had ordered and I said a crab cake bit. "What the hell is a crab cake bit?" "I don't know, I just ordered, I got nervous!" I proclaimed. Then this question is asked...."Sure it wasn't a Crab Cake B-L-T?"
Damn it.
I've now come to realize that yes in fact it did say BLT and not BIT. Why would it say BIT you ask? It wouldn't. A Crab Cake BIT does not exist. A Crab Cake BLT however does exist and it is delicious.
We all suffer from dumbassatoma once in a while....some more often than others. I blame the mustache.
Crab Cake BIT 1
Jay Thomas 0
EPILOGUE:
I've never grown a handlebar mustache again.
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